Britney Spears to Sell Her Pride and New Album to Jive Records for Doritos

Britney Spears, the much maligned pop singer and ex-mother of two, is making waves yet again.

This afternoon, a spokeswoman for Spears made a surprising announcement to the press: that Britney was in the process of recording a new album. The album, tentatively titled "More, More, More: The Lament of A Value Meal," is scheduled to be released in June of 2008.

Spears also announced Friday that she had already sold all rights to her new 10-track CD back to her label, Jive records, in exchange for a lifetime supply of Doritos.

When asked why she would sell away the rights to her latest work, Britney simply stated "Oops, I did it again."

Market analysts are already calling the deal the "nacho cheesiest" of the fourth quarter.

"I think this is a great deal for both my company and Ms. Spears," declared Irene Rosenfeld, CEO of Frito Lay. "Both parties are very happy about the resolution."

Barry Weiss, the CEO for Jive Records, was also quite happy about the deal. "Any time you can purchase the rights to an album from a well known artist for mere snack food, you can consider the transaction a success. We here at Jive are just happy that Britney is thinking with her gut instead of her wallet."

This deal means that Britney could not collect royalties based off her record's sales. Instead, she will likely be home alone, indulging in bag after bag of nacho-flavored snack chips.

While the pact between Jive records and Frito Lay is an interesting one, it is not totally unique. In fact, famed country singer Kenny Rogers was once involved in a lucrative deal between Mercury Records and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Rogers' album was sold for three hundred ten-piece buckets of chicken (which, considering inflation, would be worth nearly 450 buckets today).

When "More, More, More: The Lament of A Value Meal" hits store shelves, Britney will receive her first in a never ending string of cases of Doritos. In the meantime, Frito Lay is supplying her with an unlimited amount of their Spartan brand "Nacho Crunchies."

Although the album doesn't even have a single song written for it yet, Frito Lay is already reaping the benefits. The company's stock surged 12 points this afternoon after shareholders learned that Britney Spears had released a crude compilation of her favorite Dorito snacks, with classic flavors "Cooler Ranch" and "Taco" topping the list.
While it is yet to be seen how Britney will handle a lifetime supply of fattening foods, many people are already preparing for the worst. MTV has announced that they will be reinforcing the main stage at the 2008 VMAs with 12 steel girders. "When it's all said and done, this stage should be able to hold up a semi truck... or at least Britney and a couple back-up dancers," said David Derringer, a construction worker responsible for the project.

It was discovered late Friday that Britney announced she would name her first case of Doritos "Sean Preston," and the second case "Jayden James," obviously in homage to her two sons that she recently lost in a custody battle with Kevin Federline. Fans are confused as to whether Spears is being really sweet or really, really creepy.