Britney Spears Vs. Cracker Jacks

First, there was that all-important consideration we're all baffled by every time we visit the grocery store - paper or plastic? Which of the two was more ecologically friendly? Which would be more comfortable trick or treating?

On the one hand, a Cracker Jack box would allow me to hide all those figure flaws quite nicely, and it would be warmer in the chilly October winds. On the other hand, it would be fun to show off my belly button and wear my black leather a little lower and more revealingly than I normally did. And Britney's costumes are easier to remove during emergency trips to the lady's.

If I decided to be Britney, I could raid my daughter's closet. Assuming she still had her elementary Catholic school uniform, and I could find some knee socks, I'd be set. If I wanted to be a Cracker Jack box, I still had all those packing boxes in the cellar that hadn't been broken down for the recycler even though we'd moved in three years ago and all that leftover popcorn we'd strung for the tree last Christmas.

They're both kind of simple. They're both a little too sweet. They both come in pretty, shiny packages. You can get the recipe for either one pretty easily. Just add syrup and turn up the heat.

Which costume would make my husband drool more? He does love his Cracker Jacks, especially the nuts. But Britney had her good points too. She would be easier to unwrap than the Cracker Jack box, for instance. And she could sit down.

Of course, once you've excavated the prize in the Cracker Jacks box, and eaten all the peanuts and most of the popcorn, Jack's entertainment value plummets. Once you've unwrapped Britney, well, I'm guessing the same might hold true, based on an interview I accidentally saw once on MTV.

A Cracker Jack box seemed to be a little deeper than poor old Britney. Then again, she did manage to turn herself into a national icon without any discernible talent other than some good aerobic moves and a healthy dose of sex appeal.

Cracker Jacks weren't all that well known anymore. The majority of people who know Jack find something to love about him. This can't really be said of Britney, even if everyone in the world knows who she is. In all fairness, Cracker Jacks never got the same exposure that Britney did, of course. Poor Jack just didn't have the same level of promotion and attention to packaging that Britney does. Extra hair and teeth probably wouldn't have done much for Jack's image though.

If I decided to be Britney, maybe I could learn how to pout more effectively. This is a skill I've never mastered. I also can't do that sexy open-mouthed look either. When I try it, it makes me look like I just realized I had a lobotomy.

Jack has been around for awhile but I'm pretty sure he can't teach me the proper way to wear my belly button ring or how to shake my....well, you know.

So I decided to be BS for Halloween, Maybe I'm shallow, but I thought it might give me some insight into the secrets of her success. Because If What You See Is What You Get and You're Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman, not a singer, not an actress, not a writer, or a mother, what exactly are you? Sometimes, you're Lucky, even though you Drive Me Crazy, let me share What It's Like to Be Me, and you and I will have a Heart to Heart about what makes you successful at everything you attempt. And you know what she'd probably say? Oops, I Did It Again.

So, once again, Britney won. It was a compromise though. I bought Cracker Jacks to give to the trick-or-treaters, and I let my husband have some too.