Broken Families: Making the Holidays Work

I remember a time when families celebrated the holidays together as a complete unit. I lived in one of those families. But, my parents eventually divorced by the time I was nine years old. Then the holidays changed for me forever. Not only did the holidays change for me, but for my mom as well. She became a single mom trying to raise two children on her own. Up until my parent's divorce my mom stayed at home with my sister and I. It was quite a shock for everyone when she had to go to work. She was working a minimum wage job trying to keep our house warm in the winter and trying to keep food on the table for us. At that time there was no mandatory child support system and she had to bear the burden alone.

The holidays affected my mom the most I think and Christmas was a very depressing time for her. As kids I don't think we put too much thought into how much stuff we had under the tree, but mom worried about it more than we did. I think that she felt like she wasn't being a good mom becuase she couldn't get us a lot of gifts, in hindsight, what does it matter now? I love my mom dearly and I don't think I would still have those toys today. Holidays can be hard for broken families. We had to split our time with both parents and it was a struggle to decide who got what day with the kids and by what time we had to be here or there. It was just difficult on everyone involved. If you throw in a step-family it took stressful holidays to a whole other level.

I remember going to my dads and he had a new family. Somehow I always felt like I was the third rate child, so to speak. The new step siblings got all of the greatest gifts and my sister and I were not treated the same. Try explaining to a child why they got a pair of socks when everyone else got an xbox! That is about how things went at my dad's house. To this day I haven't been able to forgive him for his lack of loyalty. Our relationship suffered because he put his new family over his actual children. His new wife eventually left him for someone else but we were left with the emotional scars.

If I could give any advice to broken families, it would go as follows.

1. Decide on what day each parent will have the children during the holidays. Stand firm and don't change the rules for any reason.

2. Treat your own children as if they are special, they should feel like they are the best kids in the world. If you don't want to make the other children feel jealous , then set aside a time to do something special just for your own kids.

3. Communicate-Keep the lines of communication open at all levels. This includes your ex-spouse and your children.

4. Do NOT argue in front of the children, they have enough emotional trauma to deal with. If you want to disagree , do it in private.

5. Make the best of every moment you have together as a family. Lessen the stress and have more fun.

Remember that the Holidays are especially challenging for broken families. Children are often depressed and emotionally sensitive. It is important to handle these situations with care. Coping in a broken family can be hard, but it can work if everyone works together instead of against each other.