Broken Heart Survival Guide: 10 Tips to Keep You in Check on the Way to Recovery

Welcome to the club. It hurts like hell. It is also impossible to come out of the experience completely unscathed. Like a roller coaster flying off its tracks... sometimes all you can do is hang on to the bouncing bar for dear life and pray you'll survive the inevitable crash. Some hearts bounce.

Here are a few tips to assist you on the ride from Hell:

1. Don't go psycho.

Reacting like a rabid, wild animal might set you up for a lifetime of humiliation and regret. Try with all your might to keep it together. When and if you feel yourself spinning out of control, don't ignore it. Instead, acknowledge the feeling. Give yourself a moment. Imagine the scene playing out in your head. The more you try to fight it, the crazier you are probably going to make yourself. Indulge in your imagination. It's safe in there.

Play each scenerio out in your head, or grab a pen and write it all down. Make sure you work through every step. The insane act first, then the image of the keyed-up car or slashed tires, the reaction on your no-longer-significant other's face, the sound of the sirens and sight of the red and blue flashing lights, what you will say in your statement at the local police station, how you plan to come up with the court fees and/or fines, explaining all of this to your family, friends, future potential employers, etc.

2. Forgive yourself for going psycho.

You had your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on by some insensitive, cruel and selfish bastard. Of course you're gonna go a little psycho! Between love and madness lies obsession? So true. Aside from changing your name and moving to another country, there really isn't a quick fix for a psychotic episode. At least you can take some pride in knowing you'll be a great story one day.

3. Suround yourself with support.

Friends, family, pets, the mailman... whatever it takes. A battle buddy is a necessity. A platoon is ideal. Surround yourself with as many supportive people as possible. This is precisely why we humans engage in relationships. Too many people try to cope on their own, not wanting to be a burden on others or appear weak and broken. What happens when things break? They weaken a bit. Look it up if you don't believe me. We all have either been there or will be there at some point in our lives. If your pals are not the supportive kind where matters of the heart are concerned, look to the internet.

4. Give yourself time to heal.

Only love can break a heart. Only time can mend it. Whatever. We all know this is, in some ways, true. It's still B.S.

5. Focus on yourself.

Whether you want it or not, it's You Time! "It's not you, it's me." Then again, maybe it was you. Are you beginning to notice certain destructive patterns? Now is the perfect time to do a little soul-searching. Spend some time with an old friend. You. Do you like your own company? Personal growth never goes out of style.

Spoil yourself rotten. Get a makeover, a massage, and a facial. Better yet, buy yourself a spa package. Update your wardrobe. Be your own best friend and TRY NEW THINGS.

6. If you need an escape, make it a healthy one.

Time-outs are great. Escapism has gotten such a bad rap. Too much reality can become toxic very quickly. That's why God invented cable. Instead of turning to alcohol, drugs or one-nighters to numb (or channel) the pain, consider healthier alternatives.

Sure, the best revenge is a good life. It doesn't hurt to have a nice ass either. Odds are you are eventually going to run into your ex or someone acquainted with your ex. Instead of worrying about what you'll say when that day arrives, focus on letting your body do the talking. Exercise is an excellent escape. It makes you feel better, keeps your body in shape, fights off depression, preoccupies your mind, and it burns off the energy you might otherwise use to do something psycho.

Read one book after another. Let's be honest - No one is ever going to love you if you are stupid.

Rent all of those movies you didn't get to watch because your ex insisted on yet another Adam Sandler or chick flick. If a romance "accidentally" finds its way into your dvd player, feel free to make as many cynical remarks as you want and throw popcorn at the screen.

Throw yourself into work. Put in overtime, bring work home, or get a second job. You probably need the money now anyway. It would be nice to think this escape-trick is going to work forever, but that's not likely. If it's true that you reap what you sow, at least you'll have this one good thing once you've made it past Avoidance & Denial and the weight of Acceptance has landed on your weary shoulders. All of that hard work and staying late could earn you a couple much-needed days off and the money in the bank to cover those dark and dreary days.

7. Focus on others.

If you find yourself in the sand trap of self-pity, go feel sorry for someone else. Do some volunteer work. Your self-steem and self-worth are under attack here. Be useful. Telling yourself there are people out there worse off than you are isn't going to make you feel better. So what, right? Making other peoples' lives better, however, is a surefire way to make yourself feel better. It doesn't matter what your motives are, because the end result is good. Homeless and hungry people don't care if the person giving them shelter and filling their bellies is self-centered and self-absorbed. Yes, you are, but it's okay for now.

8. Do something that has always terrified you.

Not afraid of anything? Liar.

Some people have a fear of flying. Some people are terrified of the dark (the boogieman does so exist). Locking yourself in an airplane lavatory with the lights off isn't exactly what I'm talking about. Maybe your ex constantly pointed out the fact that you dance like an old, white man (not being racist - referring to my father). Maybe this made you a tad bit insecure, so you didn't dance much while the two of you were together. Maybe you really like to dance. Why not sign up for some lessons?

Alright, I admit it. This was me. Yes, I love dancing, but I didn't do much of it during the 5 1/2 years of that particular relationship. A nasty and humiliating break-up can produce wonderful opportunites. Everyone is already laughing at you anyway, so what have you got to lose?

Facing your fears is incredibly empowering. You might throw up, but you'll glow with confidence and accomplishment. And that's hot. The glowing, I mean.

9. Keep a copy of this list everywhere.

One copy on your nightstand. When you cannot sleep at night, wake up in the middle of the night, or get up first thing in the morning and find heartache in your coffee cup, look at this list.

One copy taped to your bathroom mirror. Who hasn't sobbed with foamy toothpaste and saliva dripping down their mouth? Come on! Wipe the sleep from your eyes and look up at this list.

One copy on the fridge and/or microwave. Refer to number 6. When you're feeling the urge to inhale a pint of ice cream or deciding between microwave dinners, yes, turn to the list.

One copy on the television. Of course they're all happier than you; It's television. Keep flipping until you find a reality show. It shouldn't be too hard. Yes, you are just as pathetic as they are, if not more. However, you're better than them because you are not stupid enough to broadcast your miserable life.

Don't forget to paste this list to the telephone. Remember caller I.D.?

Speaking of which...

10. Do NOT go psycho!