'Brothers & Sisters' on February 13, 2011: God Save the Queen(s)

SALLY FIELD

Part of tonight's episode dealt with Sally Field's having lost her mojo (on the radio) a bit. Her daughter Sarah (Rachel Griffiths), the radio station owner now, tells her, "I need you to get your mom back." Sally, who is hosting her motherly advice show on Sarah's radio station, responds, "You are not warm and fuzzy; you are cold and prickly." [At least Sally got that right. I still think of Sarah, aka, Rachel Griffiths, as the nymphomaniac on "Six Feet Under"] I was rooting for Sally to shout, "But you like me -- .you really like me -- " since the Oscars are February 27, but that didn't happen.

Other things did, none of them good.

The writers are really struggling on this show, which has been on the air for five years. The writer responsible for the most episodes is Jon Robin Baitz (86 episodes), but he did not write tonight's episode. That distinction, for better or worse (I'm voting for the latter) belongs to Gina Lucito Monreal and David Babcock (directed by Michael Morris) and all I have to say is "Frank N. Beans". What were you thinking? Or smoking? (The writers mentioned are only credited with 2 or 3 episodes apiece, and if this one is any indication, I would definitely pair them with someone with better instincts and more experience.)

IS SARAH A REAL WALKER? AND DOES ANYBODY CARE?

The plot tried to set up doubt regarding Sarah Walker's (Rachel Griffiths') paternity, suggesting that Sally Field's character of Nora was pregnant when she married, and that the father of the child might not have been her dead husband William Walker (played by Tom Skerritt) but a new character they are bringing in, played by Beau Bridges.

This new character, Nick Brody, is the manager of a team of some sort (baseball?) and Nora swears to daughter Sarah that she had each potential father take a blood test to determine true paternity, at the time of Sarah's birth. This does not seem to appease the "prickly" Sarah, who is shown waiting to meet the man she thinks may be her real father, by show's end.

How did all this dirty linen get aired?

Tommy came back from Mexico with Rose, (a new dark-haired girlfriend/lover/wife/paramour that nobody cares about), and the girlfriend was making a family tree. (Sure she was. Doesn't every new character in a family do that?) And, of course, Tommy felt it necessary to mention to his sister Sarah that she might not be a real Walker (Wouldn't everyone do that?) And then SHE (Rachel) said, "It is exhausting letting you in and out of this family," [I can hear you saying, "Oh, no she didn't!" But, yes, she did, and I agree with that thought.]

I would like to suggest that Balthazar Getty, who plays Tommy Walker, be given Charlie Sheen's job on "2 and ½ Men" while Charlie is indisposed at home in "rehab," because they really do look alike (except that Balthazar hasn't had as many brushes with the law or hookers -- although he did abandon his real-life family to run off with Sienna Miller, so I take that back.) And Balthazar is better-looking, because he is younger and tanner (all that time in Mexico, you know -- or laying on a beach with Sienna Miller, et. al.).

GAY SUBPLOTS

There were more gay subplots on tonight's episode than existed in "La Cage Aux Folles." First, there was the restaurant review that was to be done by a critic calling himself "Frank N. Beans." Yes, you read that right. A restaurant critic who made a reservation for himself and his gay lover Jonathan (played by Richard Chamberlain) at the restaurant that Saul (Ron Rifkin) and Scotty Wandell (Luke McFarlane) now run using this oh-so-witty fictitious pseudonym. [I'm sure restaurant critics everywhere loved that touch.] At the restaurant, the critic behaved like a love-struck teen-aged schoolgirl, when he was supposed to be carefully analyzing the food.

Saul is jealous that our former Dr. Kildare heartthrob of "The Thorn Birds" days (movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800015884) is now romantically involved with restaurant critic Edward LaMans (Mr. "Frank N. Beans") and Saul (Ron Rifkin) serves poor old Dr. Kildare shrimp, which he knows the overly plastic surgeried Chamberlain is allergic to.

HOWEVER, ALL IS NOT LOST!

We are then subjected to a denouement where the would-be gay lovers Saul and Jonathan (Richard Chamberlain) kiss and make up, even though it is very likely that Jonathan gave Saul AIDS back in the day (no pun intended). . Audiences don't want to see old people kissing, no matter what sex they are. The only good thing to come out of this entire plot thread and episode was one funny line that the young gay couple (Scotty and Kevin Walker) exchanged, when Kevin Walker (Matthew Rhys) pretends to be experiencing anaphylactic shock from eating the same shrimp velotte sauce that Richard Chamberlain choked on. Clutching his throat, Kevin says to Scotty, "I want you to have my Olivia Newton John albums."

I want Richard Chamberlain to go join the priesthood in Australia, or make an honest woman of Rachel Ward, which was the least he could have done, rather than continue on this show -- (after all, he WAS a priest there, until he fell from grace.) If you're not old enough to remember this stuff, buy my book (www.ItCamefromtheSeventies.com). No, it's not in there, because that movie came out in 1983, but I'll deal with in later -- in a forthcoming book on 80's movies.

Because this was an episode aired close to Valentine's Day, Nora is shown on her radio show, as the program closes, saying, "There's always a time for love. If you're always looking in the rearview mirror, you're going to miss the turn in the road ahead of you, and trust me, there's always a lot of road ahead of you." Nora also has (apparently) indicated that Beau Bridges' new character-to-be was "the one that got away." [Judging from the one she caught (Tom Skerritt), she got the better end of the deal, but if she has pined for old Brody for this many years, maybe it's time to meet up with him again and discover that he has gotten fat, lost his hair and teeth, and needs a hip transplant---or whatever else passes for high drama in the weeks ahead.]

Well, Nora. There's a lot of road ahead of you if you're young. If you're 92: not so much.

And if this writing and plotting keeps going into the dumper, I fear that the turn in the road ahead of "Brothers & Sisters" will be sudden and sharp and the end will come sooner, rather than later. [Jon Robert Baitz, wherever you are, take note.]