Budget Christmas Shopping for Your Wife

Want to buy the perfect gift for your wife this Christmas? To bad, it doesn't exist. No earthly possession in existence is good enough for your better half. Letting her know this will only get you a one way trip to the dog house for not at least trying to find something nice for her. Take my suggestions into consideration, and you might somehow make your wife happy without even trying that hard..

Gifts for your wife: Portable media player.
There's really no good excuse for everyone not to have at least one mp2 player in their house at this point. You can get one for free by ordering those crappy As Seen On TV products. Just get one, load it up with a bunch of sappy love songs, and give it to her Christmas morning.

Gifts for your wife: Underwear.
Buy some twizzlers and tell her they are edible thongs. If she refuses to wear them(which will most likely be the case 99.7% of the time), try to tear up a little. It makes you seem sensitive...and she'll probably try to wear the twizzlers, which will be the funniest thing ever if she does.

Gifts for your wife: Chores.
Wake up early and do whatever hated task your wife has been nagging you about for the past 6 months. Women are obsessed with chores for some reason. When you finally do it, their brains short circuit, and they go offline for approximately 45 minutes. This down time can be used to get a few extra minutes of sleep, or make Breakfast for her when she finally recovers form the shock of your resourcefulness..

Gifts for your wife: Cards.
Know what else women can't get enough of? That's right, greeting cards. They enjoy them because cards elplain how you feel about another human being. I suppose just communicating those feelings verbally means nothing. Don't both trying to make any cards for your special lady. Nothing good will ever come from her seeing you covered in glitter, and macaroni with paste stuck to your dog. Good luck trying to explain that one without sounding like an immature lair.

Gifts for your wife: Map.
Wake up in the morning and escape...errr, leave your wife a map. Set up some kinda elaborate scavenger hunt that ends with you being the treasure. I'm not going into details about what hints should be used, or where to hide sentimental value soaked items around town. I'm sure you can figure that all out on your own.