Building Communication Between Family Members

We've all been there. The holiday table is set, the turkey is ready, the pies are done and the family is gathered at the table. We are all somewhat aware of what a blessing it is to spend time with family. It is a reminder of what we've been blessed with and a chance to show our appreciation for each other.

Unfortunately, many families live in a constant state of battle. For those of us who may not have grown up in such a family, we certainly had friends or neighbors who did, and the yelling could be heard down the street.

Families who bicker and tear each other apart are nothing far from common. Fortunately, there are ways to build better communication between family members and to strengthen relationships.

One reason that many family members such as parents and children struggle so much to get along is a struggle of power.

In this culture, it is common for individuals to value independence, freedom and control of one's own destiny. This is something that many of our ancestors have fought for, these are the values that we grow up with and learn to take on as our own. This is also a common cause of conflict for parents and children. Because children are often ready and willing to fight for their rights, independence and freedom, there are often battles with the parents.

One way to deal with this type of problem for parents is to set ground rules and stick to them. The children will of course think that the rules are not fair, however, they will be greatly benefited by having the guidelines established for them. It will also help them to understand the value of submitting to authority and respecting those in authority, even if they do not agree.

A way for children to deal with the frustration of their parents seemingly pointless demands is to quite simply submit. Obeying one's parents is a Biblical command that also makes a lot of sense. When children respect and obey their parents, they demonstrate responsibility and a willingness to lay down their rights for the sake of maintaining a healthy relationship with their parents. This is something that is obviously not natural to teenagers, especially when they see their friends being rude to their parents, however, it is something that can be learned and practiced.

Another suggestion is for parents to take their role as parents seriously. Little things like spending time with your kids, taking them out for ice cream after the game, going to the game, encouraging them, congratulating them, telling them that you love them and disciplining them are all ways of showing your children that you care for them and want to have a healthy relationship with them.

Another way to build communication between parents and children is by asking questions each day around the dinner table or before bedtime. Some examples include, 'how would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? And 'what was the best part of your day? Why?' 'What was the most troubling part of your day? Why?' and 'what thought was most on your mind today?'

Another way to build communication daily is to go through the completion process with family members. If there are disappointments (which there almost always are) try asking, what am I pleased with, what went well? What are we disappointed with? Is there anything else to say?

Finally, when it comes to conflict, be sure to put the past on the history shelf. In other words, try not to hang on to the past hurts and trials, learn from them and move on.

Being quick to forgive, willing to serve and patient with each other is one way to make your life and the lives of your family a little better. Also, being willing to communicate in advance may prevent future conflicts from blowing up.