Building Positive Self-Esteem in Children

As a parent, it is your responsibility to set a goal to always strive to be the most influential role model in the life of your child. Parents should always have, at the forefront of their goals for being a good parent, the goal of ensuring they support the positive development of character in their children and concentrate on helping their child develop positive self-esteem.

I thought it would be fun to go back into time and look at what was being said about self-esteem in children many years ago just to see how much the field of character development has changed over time. To my surprise and delight, I found that Reynold Bean and Harris Clemes, two early researchers who focused their studies on building self-esteem in children, were right on the mark (http://childparenting.about.com/cs/emotionalhealth/a/selfesteem1.htm). In their book, Self -Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Well-Being, Bean and Clemes stated that a childs' self-esteem is made up of four different components: a sense of connectiveness, a sense of uniqueness, a sense of power and a sense of models. These components are still valid today and so I have chosen to use their model of self-esteem in children to write this article.

They describe that a sense of connectiveness, or the feeling of belonging, is essential for the development of positive self-esteem. As a parent you can help support this sense of connectiveness by always using loving words with your children. Even when you are disappointed, sad or mad at your children, your response should be directed to what the child did that caused you to become mad or sad, NOT targeted toward letting the child know or believe they are BAD. They must understand that the thing they did is what has made you sad or mad and understand that you still love and value them.

Helping your child gain a positive sense of uniqueness can also help in building your child's self-esteem. Children need to know it is okay to be different and that it is their uniqueness that contributes to making them particularly special. They should feel that when they are being creative and using their imagination that this is a good and valuable way to spend their time. When a child feels good about their individuality and uniqueness, they feel most comfortable being able to solve daily problems.

Having a sense of personal power is also a key factor in building positive self-esteem in your child. Allowing your child to be responsible for matters or issues that are important to them and delegating responsibilities to them goes a long way in helping to establish a sense of accomplishment and the sense of personal power.

Children need to be strategically guided in learning how to use problem solving or troubleshooting skills to resolve and deal with the challenges that arise in their daily lives. If parents make all decisions for their children and jump in to solve all of the problems that occur for their children, they are denying their children the opportunity to learn, in a safe environment, how to solve problems and learn they have the skills and power to take care of themselves.

Having a sense of models is the final component Bean and Clemes define in their model of self-esteem. This component deals with teaching children to look for models and to observe these models as they are solving problems. This can be done by setting up numerous opportunities for children to experience a variety of different situations that require them to deal with issues. When a child has learned how to deal independently, or through observing modeling by another child or adult, with a variety of situations successfully they will learn to feel comfortable with new experiences and can rely on past experiences to know how to address situations. .

There are so many different situations that our children face on a day-to-day basis. Parents need to make a conscious effort to learn how to guide the development of positive self-esteem in their children and to take the responsibility to work towards supporting the development of a positive sense of self in their children.

(http://childparenting.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=childparenting&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cyberparent.com%2Festeem%2F)