Bullies - Born or Bred?

The most heartrending news I've heard is when kids are moved to kill themselves because their peers bully them continuously; on an unrelenting, cruel and uncaring basis and with no one or nowhere to turn! This is the most abhorrent state of affairs in a country built on religious freedom and civil rights. Yet our children are depressed, picked on and bullied to the point of suicide?! Why? This was never a such a blatant social issue until recently and yet, it seems to be getting worse! Why? And who is to blame?

There are deeper darker elements here that are not being addressed by the mainstream press, media or society in general. I believe bullies are bred not born creating future social misfits who have little or no tolerance for differences in others. Does that make you angry to hear that? It shouldn't -it maybe true.

But, if not the parents or legal guardians then who is creating the bullies of those innocent kids who commit suicide as the only option they can see to escape the relentless situation they find at school? Are the schools to blame for not having a program or overseer on the grounds that can 'police' acts of bullying? Offering a place of escape or department where the bullied (or witnesses) can complain and get someone to run interference to stop them? Or do the bullies just need 'counseling' to find out why they need to bully others?

Or are they being abused at home themselves and need to take out their acts of cruelty on others to make their own life more tolerable? Or are these acts of "school yard terror" merely 'flags' begging for attention they don't get at home?

Or perhaps the bullies themselves do this more to become idolized by their peers? Held in higher esteem by putting down others? Getting the other kids to laugh at the indignities these bullies inflict on others? Who are the bullies then? The kids doing the bullying or the kids that laugh and point along with them at the kids being bullied!? Or is it the kids who do nothing allowing it to happen without interference or complaint? Sound familiar? It's called apathy and is the earmark of today's 'adults' when it comes to social issues, political miasma, etc. But we are not talking about adults who may 'bully' others as well (albeit a different type and possibly on more covert levels) I speak here about how those bullies begin in childhood.

All or any of this (or other unknown issues) can be the motivating factors behind bullying but the reality is that if bullying is allowed to continue there are NO winners. Ever!

Then where to place the blame? The parents or legal guardians?

The parent(s) do have a very strong influence on their offspring. Most of us know that usually (but not always) a racist or homophobic parent(s) will influence that child or children either directly or indirectly. Consciously or unconsciously. I admit I came from a family where my father (whom I loved dearly) was a racist! However, he never influenced me to the degree of taking that from home to school, or later to the workplace or anywhere else in life after moving from home. Ever! I felt even as a teen that everyone was equal and you should treat others as you wanted to be treated and I was much closer to my father then my mother who was not racist. But then again perhaps that is the exception. A child is raised in a racist home yet comes away without being racist at all, tolerates differences in others and displays concern and care toward their peers maybe the exception. I saw some acts of bullying in school and was repulsed by those acts yet it was a gentler time back then (the 60's) and certainly not nearly so blatant, unrelenting and cruel as today's bullies are with so many more ways to bully, ex: cyber bullying. Don't believe it? Ever sign on for those forums? Or even Yahoo Answers (I was viciously attacked and suspended my account). You'll find many examples of outright attacks, crude & rude to vulgarity and profanity! I believe much of that is by teenage bullies or young adults!

I remember a boy who was 'different' being called names like "sissy" or "punk". Remember those terms? These days it is much worse!

Bullies can be on line and posting to websites cruel, mean and vicious things to others! I would say that those who are being bullied in school go on line and bully others - feeling a need to lash out and hurt others the way they have been hurt. Or do it just for the fun of hurting others by hiding behind a 'handle' and avoiding any responsibilities for such attacks! Again, a bully doing it in public or on line is still a bully! Remember when a woman pretended on line to be a boy and caused a young woman to kill herself? Beyond sad!

There are schools that actually 'condone' bullying either by apathy (indifference), or the inability or skill to counter the bullying acts. In other words, they simply do not know what to do and thus are ill equipped to deal effectively with this growing epidemic of blatant and targeted cruelty!

When you have schools full of kids with unfamiliar emotions (hormones) growing into adult hood (puberty) this is what we are facing - the future leaders of the next generation. Bullies who found they could "elevate" their standing in school by hurting others and/or needing to feel superior over others they see as inferior (sound familiar?) pick on those they have no fear of and look down upon. Does it stop after graduating or quitting school? I very much doubt it. What about the kids who were bullied but took it and then graduated or quit school and went out into society? What type of adults do they become?

They do bear the 'scars' of the battle worn bullying they experienced in school and unless they get professional help, always will! And they DO leave scars - scars that affect them on levels I (nor you) can't begin to understand or imagine and only board certified psychiatrists or psychologists might. But the scars are there for both the bullied and the bullies! Have no doubt of that. It affects both deeply and at that age pretty much becomes a permanent part of their approaching maturity, emotional and mental makeup.

Parents must be aware of what you are doing -consciously or unconsciously - in teaching (by example) your kids to be racists, intolerant of differences in others or homophobic. If you sincerely LOVE and care for your child and their future try to understand how you might be creating a potential social misfit who is cold, cruel and incapable of playing or working well with others and in a future world where jobs may not be easy to come by; a possible unemployment statistic on the roles of government agencies. Or a future guest of the Federal Penal System as an adult, one who has no clue what it takes to get along with others once they are grown and on their own. Who is to blame for that? I knew one of them as well. He was born small in stature and his father was merciless in bullying him to bully others - before HE got bullied! A never ending cycle and today he is still that little bully that barely comes up to your shoulder, aggressive to violent behavior, anti-social and with a long criminal record! Sad. Very sad.

I feel that the schools must take some kind of stance against bullying. Suicide is not and should never be an option! That is abhorrent to me (and should be to everyone) on so many levels!

And the media, television sitcoms, music videos and celebrities should be aware of the power they hold over our kids and the use of terms, like 'that's sooo gay', is a social (and cruel) misappropriated slang and should be likened to racism or a hate crime. Most of the bullying may or may not be race related but directed at kids who are perceived as 'different' or gender challenged. At this tender and vulnerable age many kids ARE trying to find their place in school, and in society as a whole - their 'identity' and should not have to deal with bullies trying to build themselves up by tearing others down. School is trying enough as it is!

As is Life!

Some kids (depending) have a lack of moral maturity when it comes to what is cruel, mean or depraved. And one of the reasons they are not considered adults until of legal age, mature, etc. Until then they have to depend on their parents or legal guardians to teach them what is right, morally ethical or acceptable by our society's standards. Many of us as adults can remember doing or saying something they did in school they may now regret as mature adults. Even churches have a set age when the child is considered morally responsible and varies with each.

Adolescents may actually NOT know it's morally corrupting and frowned upon by society as a whole to be openly or covertly cruel to others or animals. There are certain barometers that indicate the extent of cruelty in a child. Are they deliberately and openly cruel or mean to pets or insects? Do they delight in pulling the wings off of butterflies? Or do they have a problem in Biology when it comes to dissecting frogs when they refuse to do it (like me) and the teacher has to make moral allowances for those students who could not? (I can't even conceive to this DAY of dissecting a frog or cutting off a lizards tail to watch it continue wiggling like some of my classmates did.)

Again the parents have to step up to the plate and not only have a talk about the other issues their growing teenager has to deal with (sex, drugs, smoking, drinking) but tolerating differences in others as well. It's the law- kids have to attend school (or get home schooled if allowed) so why not make it a better place - if society enforces it? And one kid can make a difference as we have seen on such programs as "Oprah" or "2020" of "60 Minutes". Who knows? You may have such a child!

We all share the same color of blood although our skin color, or religion is different.

We all have feelings that can be hurt, uplifted or shared.

We all have to get thru school, get thru life, etc. on this same planet.

We all are human beings on this one earth and living every single day or just trying to survive (and everything in between). So why not reach out to others and make the 'trip' much easier, more enjoyable as a whole and treat others as you wish to be treated?

No person is any different or any better then anyone else and we all should try to understand - life isn't easy, everyone has problems but when you understand that people can walk this life alone or with friends it makes a big difference which path you take - to walk alone or with friends. And share what you have within.

I heard a saying that went something like this; "strangers are only friends you have yet to meet". A bit corny but perhaps it says best the essential message I'm trying to convey. Until you try you have no idea who can turn out to be a long-standing friend.

If you see someone being bullied at school make an effort to be friends with that person sometimes. It may make a difference in their life. Being alone and tortured continuously tends to alienate the bullied creating an even bigger rift in school and classmates creating deeper scars and deeper resentment. Don't be a part of the crowd that laughs at or watches the antics of the bully! Take a stand in your own way.

I think that most will agree with me that having friends makes a difference in a life that is not easy, whether in school or the workplace. By just having friends to talk to or go to the movies with or the mall can be the 'AA' (Attitude Adjustment) that kid needs and although a mere 'band aid' on a deep puncture 'wound', I believe a promising one that anyone can apply with great potential to change the course of one who believes he/she is all alone and unloved. I was never bullied in school but I had other economic issues that were much easier to deal with because I did have friends.

As far as who is to blame? I believe society is on several levels too deep for any 'quick fix'. The first and most likely avenue to combat bullying, as a whole, is an awareness that there is a problem with intolerance issues in this society for those who are different ethnically, going thru identity or gender crises or economically challenged, etc.

A society that pokes fun at others as the basis for comedy acts on mainstream TV, in nightclubs and on primetime animation shows is not helping and is asymptomatic.

I see bullying as a red flag - revealing a serious lack of spirituality across-the-board in all our educational facilities and institutions; a missing spiritual foundation from birth and in schools and throughout our society. Remember when prayer and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance was attacked and then systematically barred and made ILLEGAL from our schools decades ago? Well, episodic bullying and mass shootings, the break down of respect for authority - are the direct results, I believe, of those deletions!

I still remember proudly standing every morning and in Friday Assemblies reciting The Pledge of Allegiance with my classmates and the student body as well as the teachers! Do you remember that? It did a lot to instill a strong sense of heritage, of freedom guaranteed and upheld by our forefathers into every one of us! Along with the prayers reconnecting spiritually in school affected everyone on levels totally missing today! A deliberate and across the board attack was directed at our entire educational system to STOP reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or praying (saying 'grace' over lunch, etc). A federal success that our schools mirror today with kids that are cold, without hope, alienated, spiritually bereft and lost. Especially, if neither parents nor the church can fill in what's missing then you have the situation faced by our schools, the teachers, authorities and the kids themselves - today. And guaranteed to only get worse!

These issues must be addressed directly and soon!

Our children are true aspects and representatives of their parents and (unavoidably) also the by-product of a society that condones and supports apathy, cruelty, violence, racism, intolerance and homophobia in every level of media and social structure. An endemic educational system designed to breed future generations sorely lacking in what makes everyone of us truly human - Spirituality or at least Spiritual Awareness- with the ability to feel, care, love, tolerate, respect others as well as themselves - and take steps to help others if they are so moved should be the basis of all of society!

What about the games kids find so engaging and popular these days? Would you be surprised they usually involve heavy images and sounds of violence, killing, fighting, blood and gore?

We have to wake up to what is happening with and to our kids!

Remember the movie "Pay it Forward"? A true story and an indication there ARE kids who are bucking the trend, being different and not afraid to show love for others in spite of the systematic eradication of every shred of spirituality from our schools, colleges and universities. Are you raising such a child? Do they organize fund drives to help the homeless? Food drives to feed the hungry? Do they reach out to others that need help? Are they indicating a reluctance to attend school because of those 'differences'? Find out what your child is not saying. Or are they able to get along with everyone in spite of those differences? Truly a gifted child not adversely affected by The System! And worth their weight in gold! But if that child was 'targeted' in school to need medication - be aware! That is also a part of The System...truly a toxic one affecting all concerned.

This missing element of spirituality (care, tolerance, forgiveness, love, compassion, respect towards self and others) is not about religion but where spirituality is discouraged from taking root in the minds and hearts of our children the present bullying, frustration and depression is pretty much a given and likely to get worse!

I have to add that most people have no idea that there IS a difference between religion and spirituality. My take on it is this - we ARE basically spiritual beings here on earth experiencing physical existence and all that entails - a sort of 'school' for growing, learning, overcoming adversity, being kind to others and (if so moved) being "of service to others". That's my definition although my childhood was spent being split and forced to go to two different churches until I was 16 and I picked my own church. Needless to say I had been baptized twice by the age of 22.

Yet, I came by my understanding and embracing of spirituality thru adversity, circumstances, death of loved ones and a need to learn what happens after we pass on? Do we have a soul? And at that time, no church was giving me those answers or even how to find those answers. I set out to learn what I've now accepted as my 'spiritual truths' and now employ an inner knowing anyone can have.

Yes, anyone can do the same. If you are not finding answers to problems or issues perhaps its time to 'go within'. But only you can answer that and take the path chosen with commitment, openness, love and positivism. If not it may create a sense of 'emptiness' that you carry unawares, always seeking to 'fill' it (drugs, sex, food, etc) but never quite succeeding...then I would try 'going within'. You are much more then you have been led to believe!

Until our entire educational system is revamped and rebuilt and Society improved its up to the parents, the schools to become aware of what is lacking and set about doing whatever it takes to bring spirituality and national pride back into society; and back into our future - our children.

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