Burger King's New Cologne for Sale

Just in time for the holidays, Burger King is branching out from fast food to fast cologne. Apparently for four bucks a bottle, you too can smell like one of those flame broiled whoppers, made fresh every day.

I suppose that nothing suggests manliness than the aroma of a Burger King whopper, with onions, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, ketchup and mustard. The cologne, called Flame, and sold at a website and at a New York boutique, has the slogan, "Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat."

Oh, yeah. I feel like I'm in one of those Viagra commercials just thinking about it.

There is something about the scent of a good, flame broiled burger that seems to make the appetite keener. After all, there is a reason that there is an obesity crisis and that is that the smell and the taste of these heart attacks in a bun are just so irresistible.

If the idea takes off, and it just might, it will not be long before Pizza Hut and Kentucky Fried Chicken will come out with their own colognes. Then there will come the upscale, fifty dollar a bottle versions, which will have the scents of fillet mignon or lobster sautéed in garlic butter. There will be ethnic brands, including General Tso's chicken, fettuccini alfredo, and lamb curry.

Seriously speaking, the whole idea seems to be pretty weird. Mind, I say this even knowing that my dear wife professes to being turned on when I reek of olive oil and garlic after cooking up a good Italian dinner. But she's of Sicilian ancestry, from a village just down the road from Corleone, or so she says. She also likes to flatter me.

I think, though, this thing will, at best, be a fad. If the smell of flame broiled whoppers, or fried chicken with eleven herbs and spices, or pepperoni pizza was all that sexy, then there would be no obesity crisis. Think of it. If the scent of fast food were so arousing, soon after gorging themselves upon those cholesterol laden delicacies, people would engage in a certain form of vigorous exercise, thus burning off the calories they had just consumed.

No, more likely, if someone is walking down the street and catches the whiff of a flame broiled whopper from the body of some passerby, he or she is more likely to have a hunger of a more conventional sort roused, gallop quickly to the nearest Burger King, and then gorge. But that too may be the point of the seduction promised by Burger King's Flame cologne.

Sources: Burger King's scent of love now flame broiled, Christine McConville, Boston Herald, December 16th, 2008

Flame of Desire, Burger King