Burlington Haunted Woods Tour

Burlington, Wisconsin is often called the Roswell of the Midwest, but by whom? A quick Google search of anything paranormal (UFOs, Ghosts, Psychics etc) all come back to one local enthusiast of all things paranormal, Mary Sutherland. Mary owns the Sci-Fi café, a kitschy hole in the wall bar converted into a sandwich shop and museum. The place is filled with funky and fun paranormal objects, and tourists and regulars. The atmosphere is extremely friendly and casual, and the sandwiches are to die for. You instantly feel right at home there and may end up bussing your own table, because you are that comfortable. If it isn't busy, Mary will gladly entertain you with her tales of the paranormal.

Being a paranormal enthusiast myself, I was eager to hear her tales, and even take her "haunted woods tour." Being a trained paranormal researcher, I have also learned that my reports should be void of personal bias or opinion; therefore I will report just the facts of our outing. Being skeptical by nature I prefer to draw my own conclusions, which is what I invite you to do.

I, along with another teammate, geared up with cameras, temp guns, EMF detectors and other portable gadgets and made the drive out to Burlington. We arrived just in time to meet up with 12 other paranormal hopefuls who had paid $20 to be thrilled and frightened. After a quick cup of coffee and directions to the haunted woods we were off!

When we arrived at the rendezvous site everyone gathered to hear the instructions and receive our bags of M&M candies. The candy, we learned, was to be left as an offering to the fairies. Immediately our EMF detectors went crazy, we were momentarily excited until we saw the high-tension power lines that ran directly above the trail into the woods. We were told that smoking would be allowed on the tour, however we should not leave cigarette butts behind and we should be careful not to start a fire.

We entered the woods, left our M&M offerings for the fairies and started walking. Several trees with split trunks were pointed out to us, and we were informed that these were passageways to other dimensions. Several twigs snapped and we were warned that we should be careful, the "Bigfoots" (or would it be "Bigfeet") that lived in the woods may throw rocks at us.

We walked to a clearing and were instructed to sit in a circle for a demonstration of an "ovulus" a device that supposedly scanned radio airwaves to pick up ghost chatter. If you have ever spun a radio dial rapidly, this is what it sounds like. Several times a word would come through, and we were told this was an answer to a question. I personally did not hear any answers but did identify Dreamboat Annie by Heart and what I am pretty sure was Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer as the radio scanned. We sat there, listened, smoked cigarettes and took photos for about ½ and hour. During that time, something flew overhead. It had red flashing lights and looked remarkably like an airplane to me. We were informed that it was a UFO. When I questioned the fact that it looked like an airplane to me, I was told that "they are very good at cloaking themselves to look just like airplanes." I could not argue, partially because I had no response to that and partially because my team mate was stepping on my foot to shush me. By time the tour was completed, both my feet were bruised.

We then went to another clearing for the "Shaman Dance." I can't tell you much about this other than it had to do with a Shaman entering you and helping you to astral project. Since I prefer to not be entered by strangers and like to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground, I did not participate and wandered off to experience the woods for myself.

Following the trail back out of the woods, we were informed that the woods had shifted- several bent branches that had to be held back as we passed through were no longer blocking the path was the proof of this fact. When on member of the tour stated that he had tucked the branches back, he was informed that he was mistaken, that the woods had in fact changed.

Returning to the café, we were treated to coffee and a slide show of photos taken during the tour. Several "orbs" were pointed out to us as well as numerous instances of "ectoplasm" and "paranormal snakes". My suggestion that the ectoplasm might be cigarette smoke elicited not only another round of toe stepping from my team mate, but also the disdain of our hosts. When I questioned the fact that the paranormal snakes seemed to come out of flashlights or the LEDs on cameras, my team mate decided we should leave before we were escorted out. We left without our complimentary copy of photos of us time shifting on the tour, but I do have several of my own photos to share.

Paranormal studies tend to fall into one of two camps: faith-based or science-based. And many times the two camps butt heads, especially if there isn't someone there to step on your toe to shush you. I offer up my experience not to poke fun at the tour, but simply to inform and enlighten those of you who are considering the tour. If feeding M&M's to fairies and dodging rocks hurled by Bigfoot are your thing- then by all means you should take the tour. If you are looking for a scientific approach to the paranormal, perhaps your $20 would be better spent elsewhere. But if you just want a really good sandwich served by a colorful host- then you shouldn't miss the Sci-Fi Café.