Bush Says His Administration "Will Deal" with Global Warming

Tucked away in the BBC's Middle East section, under the heading "'Bush Loses Patience With Syria','" there resides a quotation from our beloved leader that should bring great peace of mind to all Americans and the rest of the world for that matter. For the sakes of those that won't click the link or read the article, the paragraph I'm referring to reads as follows:

"He also said his administration was 'developing a strategy' that 'will deal' with global warming."

Given all the marvelous successes of the current administration, I suppose Mother Nature should just pack it in and get busy putting the Arctic back together. After all, we're talking about the bunch that has made such a wonderful success out of Iraq, stunned us all with the manner in which they provided relief after Katrina, doubled the national debt in just seven years, sent the price of oil through the roof with their diplomacy, and pissed off just about the whole world in one way or another. I just hope they saved the "Mission Accomplished" banner.

When my euphoria with the prospect of G.W. taking on global warming waned, and I became capable of rational thought once again, I began to wonder what the strategy would look like. I realized that three things were certain. Said strategy will (as usual) include spending vast sums of money, immense confusion and mismanagement, and bombing something. Then it struck me. They could follow up the "War on Terror" with the "War on Carbon" and bomb the hell out of, say, China with all those carbon producing factories that make toys and potty-chairs our children can't eat. It would be a righteous war, preempting all those millions of Chinese who want to someday have electricity and drive cars-while adding to the carbon load in the atmosphere and endangering our way of life.

Of course there will be those who doubt, but there's nothing to be done with folks like that. We've all run into the kind I'm talking about. Empiricists who reject all our fantasies, ancient and modern, who insist upon basing their opinions on stuff we can prove. They'll say, "let's change our ways and meet the world halfway in attempting to cope with global warming." Sheesh! How un-American can you get?

Whatever the grand strategy proves to be, I am sure there will be those disgruntled types who will want to pick on facts to illustrate every little shortcoming in the results.