Business Communication in Stressful Situations

We've all been there. A snippy email in our inbox has us itching to reply, "Looky here, you big igmo!" (Igmo is, of course a technical term meaning one who lacks both knowledge and the ability to acquire knowledge--ignorant + moron = igmo.) What we really say is, "Dear Sir." Surely the latter was the wiser choice, but is it healthiest for the overall relationship? In some cases I think not. Does this mean I think one should have permission to go around voicing every thought just because one feels like it regardless of the potential impact on others' feelings? Again, no. When dealing with business communicators who are under stress--even if that person is you--there are several important things to remember. First, the personalities aren't the issue; the issue is the issue. There are rules to follow when uncovering the issue. Next, there probably is a common goal. Last, there is a way to sort it out.

Personalities aren't the issue; the issue is the issue.
But wait, you say, the issue is this person's terrible personality. No, the issue may be the person's behavior or it may be, in part, the person's behavior in reaction to the real issue. For example, suppose someone did react poorly to a message they received and did indeed call the sender a big igmo or some other derogatory term. One might argue that the issue is a personality conflict. I would argue their personalities and behavior are perfectly in synch. Both parties acted in an unprofessional manner and it is those actions that are the issue. A root issue triggered that reactionary issue. Managers, even those managing themselves, can't change the underlying feelings, but they can influence behavior.

When someone exhibits unprofessional behavior, the easy way out is to brand that person as unprofessional and start him or her on the fast track to the door. I propose what I believe to be a more productive solution. Suppose it was I who started the ruckus with my unprofessional email message and you who responded in kind. Even though I started it, I am now faced with a choice. I can ignore it and resume communication with my most professional demeanor. I can retaliate and further degrade the real issue. I also have the choice to make it right. If I recognize the error of my ways, I can always apologize. "This is my fault, Reader. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. When the shipment of whosits I ordered didn't arrive on the promised date I was unable to fulfill my customers' orders. That was no reason for me to react the way I did."

There are rules to follow when uncovering the issue.

By addressing behavior or actions versus personal attacks or criticisms you give the other person a chance to digest the information without feeling as if he or she is under attack. The issue isn't that your company's driver is lazy and stupid and by association so must you be. This issue is that my shipment didn't make it on the truck.

It is important to note that in some emotionally charged situations a mediator who sets rules for the exchange can be valuable. If the situation has gone too far for comfort, a neutral third party to keep the discussion limited to actions and behaviors rather than personality flaws and name-calling may be necessary.

There probably is a common goal.

I admit to feeling as if certain people stay up nights thinking up ways to make my life a little more unpleasant, but intellectually I know I am just not that important to most people. You probably aren't either. Just to reiterate, until I exhibit bad behavior, I am not the issue. We may need help finding the real issue. Once we both relax enough to see what the issue is, we can begin to look for our common goals. I want my shipment of whosits. You want my whosits out of your warehouse. We have a common goal.

There is a way to sort it out.

Providing everyone follows the rules, the solution is the easy part. I want my whosits. You want me to have my whosits. You'll find my whosits and put them on the next truck. Even if my whosits are lost and gone forever-even if they are impossible to replace-we have now established some common ground and can talk about possible solutions to what is now our mutual problem.

Talking about problems in a constructive manner is as important in healthy business relationships as it is in healthy personal relationships.