Caliente Means WHOA!

Caliente! That is the only Spanish word I know, and it means very hot! I am not much into spicy foods, but one day my daughter and I went to lunch at a burger place in town. Upon sitting down, we noticed they had "World famous" hot wings advertised. This is where it gets ugly.

Along with their fantastic burgers and world famous hot wings, they also have a collection of evil hot sauces. Some of the bottles actually have warning labels and the restaurant makes you sign a waiver to even use those sauces.

My daughter did not know about the warning label, she just saw "Kill Ya Hot" on one of the bottles and thought, it would be funny to watch her mother tear up a bit. She dared me to try a bite of the spicy hot wings, claiming that they were not that bad, so I did.

"Ah gon el ma tung"! I muttered. No folks, the spelling is not wrong, it is what happens to a person when they feel as though they are going into anaphylactic shock! I was merely trying to beg for help, as I "Couldn't feel my tongue".

My eyes started to tear up, my nose was running like a bad spring allergy and I swear I think my lungs were collapsing. I kept pinching my cheeks and lips, while whining. I put my finger to my tongue and screamed, "eeere", my daughter said, what? I again started crying saying, "eere, eere, ot!".

The waitress ran over and asked if she could help and my daughter yelled, I think she said get her a beer. Quickly the waitress ran off and came back with a giant mug of beer. What in the world were they trying to do to me? My daughter in a state of panic quickly jumped up and force fed me the mug of beer.

I choked and gasped and begged for forgiveness, as I clearly knew I was about to die! The beer only made things worse and temperatures were rising in my mouth and throat. There was no time for explaining that I was just saying, "here, it is hot, here". So I grabbed the vase of flowers and quickly drank the water.

The young, naive waitress came running over and proceeded to tell me that I could not drink the flower water, that she would get me a glass of drinking water. If I had been able to speak I would have told her I do not normally enjoy drinking "flower-nated water" with stems and thorns, but this was an emergency. But I didn't in fear of what they would bring me next, because of the language barrier.

Things started to cool down slightly, but the stinging sensation was still very present. I believe that the waitress and my daughter both went to the same medical class, because my daughter thought it necessary to pull out a wipey cloth from its little packet and wipe my tongue with it. So now my palate had the taste of soap, disinfectant, chili and flower preservatives. I never did get a chance to try the burger, but I can tell you the hot wings are to die for!