Call to Action: A Ban on Bathroom Attendants
Drinks are expensive enough these days, aren't they? Ten bucks for a Manhattan straight up in Manhattan. Eight bucks for a Long Island Iced Tea in Long Island. I don't want to have to pay an extra buck each and every time I have to piss one of these high-priced drinks out. I want a ban on bathroom attendants.
Believe it or not, I don't need any gum when I go to the bathroom to take a piss. I certainly don't need a fucking lollipop. I don't wear cologne and I don't smoke cigarettes, thank you very much. So, why are you standing there watching me as I wash my hands and check my hair in the mirror? I want a ban on bathroom attendants.
And let me ask you this: why the hell are you dressed in a tuxedo? You are six to ten feet away from the nearest fat guy in the last stall who has been on the toilet these last forty minutes taking a dump. Don't you feel just a tad overdressed? I mean, really what is that liquid on your shoes. Oh, yeah, wait, that's urine. If you must guard the toilet, I think a tee and jeans would suffice. I want a ban on bathroom attendants.
The truth is these bathroom attendants make me feel uncomfortable. I try to avoid using the bathroom as much as possible. And that means holding it in. And that means dancing when I don't want to dance. That's the real reason for this call to action. That is why I want a ban on bathroom attendants.
The hell of it is many of these restaurants and bars that have bathroom attendants think they are classing up the joint by placing a man in a monkey suit in the can with a tray filled with mints. Let me be the first to inform you, that is not the case. If you need a guy with a bucket of lollipops to class up your establishment, you are probably already too late. Give it up. Join this call action. Let's get that ban on bathroom attendants.
Published by Jack Oceano
Jack Oceano is an attorney whose articles cover a broad range of topics, including politics, legal issues, travel and tourism, dining and nightlife, sports, books, movies, music, and writing. View profile
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25 Comments
Post a CommentI don't understand some of the comments here. I'm not a cheapskate for not wanting to tip a bathroom attendant. Expecting a tip for squirting some soap on my hands is borderline extortion.
How exactly is that a convenience anyway? It's LESS effort to squirt soap on my own hands and grab my own towel than it is for me to fumble out my wallet and grab a single.
Last time I went to a place that had a bathroom attendant, the guy physically blocked me when I tried to race to squirt soap on my own hands. And then he had the gall to tap me on the arm and point at his tip basket as I was walking away. Ridiculous.
(cont...)
NO 3: They help keep the bathroom clean. Even if they are not the ones in charge of scrubbing the toilets, customers behave differently in their presence. Drunks don't break the mirrors or trash the place because they see someone there watching them, ready to have him kicked out of the club. In this same way, they help keep those who "enjoy" making a mess in their best behavior.
I've traveled to many countries, and the idea of donating a few bucks to keep the bathroom proper for a customer is not a bad one at all.
Reasons why I DO like bathroom attentants.
NO 1: Security. It is proven that the bathroom is the one place in a bar not regularly monitored by the bouncers, and many fights take place simply because a shmuck doesn't like you for whatever reason and follows you in. That shmuck will be less likely to do anything once they see someone in the bathroom you are in. If anything goes on, the bathroom attendant is likely to call a bouncer for you, who won't hear you otherwise because of the loud music from the bar/club.
NO 2: Convenience. Maybe you are lucky enough to always have minty breath and not need a piece of gum. Maybe you are healthy enough to not smoke. But the fact of the matter is that MOST people that frequent bars see these items as of good use. I've seen not only gum and mints, but aspirin, antiacid tablets, lint removers, etc. cont...
sorry punk must have been raped by a haitian bathroom attendant.. hehehehe...this punk must have been terrorized or something for him and sit here and think of coherent sentences on a ban of bathroom attendants.. think of something more important like writing about a ban to WAR in Iraq... note to self: i will western union cheap guy a buck for next time to tip the bathroom attendant!!!! USA #1
You were pretty brutal; well let me say something about your comment, 1. The only people that don't tip the bathroom attendants are cheapskates 2. If your are in a restaurant or bar and you are talking about the prices of your drink maybe you should not be in that bar, let me offer you a suggestion go to the supermarket and buy your self a six pack and drink it at home the way you will only pay half the price of one drink and still get a buzz. 3. Last point I worked as a bathroom attendant in a unisex bathroom and I have seen many people try to leave with out washing there hands, so the next time you have the urge to comment on this issue think about the person who is shaking your hand or touching your face after they got back from the bathroom.
Hey! Don't diss my job, I need something to do. It's honest work and keeps me off the street and in the bathroom.
What a fantastically horrible job that is. Can you imagine? All day, standing within feet - and probably inhaling quite a bit - of atomized feces. They should get combat pay. I don't understand the need for them either, but I feel sympathy for anyone who has such a crappy job... (yeah, I know... puns are the lowest form of humor...). Great piece!!!
Somebody had to say it! Thank you for that! I guess these attendants are around to show how classy the place is where they look. I am always trying to avoid them because I know I will have to tip them something. They put that guilt trip on you by insisting that they squirt soap on your hands. Next time, just don't bother washing your hands. You really don't need to wash them everytime you go the bathroom anyway...unless of course, you end up pissing on them by accident.
I once witnessed a female bath attendant in a male bathroom. It was slightly awkward and yet thrilling. Gave you the heebie jeebies doing the busy busy.
Sundance, these guys don't CLEAN the toilet. They only hand out towels and mints. And lollipops.