Campaign Ad Script
For Use by Republican Candidate of Your Choice
Hello Americans. We stand at a critical juncture in our history. Terrorists are out there, and they want to kill you. Worse than that, they want to convert your children to radical fundamentalist Islamic Atheism. Once they do, they will force your children to gay-marry human clones while roasting the family dog over the fires of burning American flags and Bibles so that they might feed him to your genetically modified gender-neutral grandchildren, who will be raised as practicing homosexuals.
All of this can be avoided if you elect me, ___________ to continue being your ________________. In the past ____ years, I have single-handedly held the terrorists at bay with unnecessary and fiscally irresponsible tax cuts, unrealistic standards for our public schools, pre-emptive wars fought for fictitious reasons, and my own enormous genitalia.
Now I know you've heard a lot of things from unreliable sources like reality and your own ability to discern fact from fiction, but all of the scandals around our party are just blown way out of proportion. Remember, corruption, cronyism, and the protection of alleged sexual predators are no match compared to a has-been Senator who botches a joke about the President and turns it into a slam on the troops. I may have helped send them into battle without frivolous things like....armor, enough reinforcements and without all the necessary information like "removing Saddam will likely unleash a wave of religious violence that makes the Balkans look like slap-fight between two drunken drag queens over a lipstick by comparison," but they know I stand (way) behind them....100%....my bumper sticker says so. My opponent, by comparison, has no victory plan for our troops. I do. I know I probably should have put it into effect before now, but let's not dwell on who should have done what before the poop hit the fan. That would be unpatriotic. It is a well-known fact that asking hard questions to yourself and expecially your elected officials makes you totally gay.
So when you go to the polls on Tuesday, remember to vote for me, _______________________ to remain as your _________________.
Published by Anthony Odom
"You just gotta keep livin', man...L-I-V-I-N." -Wooderson View profile
- Get a Resume to Stand OutI am going to share with you some techniques that will Get a Resume to Stand Out.
- Interchangeable Lighted Stand Made from Window ShuttersMake this stand then change the look in seconds.
- KitchenAid K45SS Classic Stand Mixer: A Cook's DreamA product review article outlining mostly pros and two cons of the KitchenAid k45SS Classic stand mixer.
- Review of Sports Movie: Remember the TitansRemember the Titans is a true story about a newly-appointed African-American coach and his high school team on their first season as a racially integrated unit.
Product Review of the RockStand Combo Amp StandDuring performance, I find it difficult to hear my amp well when the sound is being thrown no higher than my knees. I've set my amp on small tables or chairs but I decided I ne...
- The Call to Stand
- Where I Stand Who May Follow
- The Sociology of "The Stand"
- How to Choose a Whitetail Deer Hunting Stand Location
- How to Write an Effective Comparison/Contrast Essay
- A Review of The KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer
- No-Plate Plate Stand Crafts for Christmas
2 Comments
Post a CommentSorry to have made you cry. It is, however, nice to know that I could get work as a Republican campaign strategist if I should find myself out of a job....and without a soul or a conscience.
I know that this piece is suppoased to be satire, exageration for effect. However, it is the script, in fact, for many of our most right-wing candidates in Florida. In fact, I was just on a cruise where the TV received signals from Denver. Same commercials, same images, same threats and warnings, except everyone wore a cowboy hat. Frankly, this article did not make me laugh; it made me cry.