Campaign Trail Mix - April 2008

As the Democratic primary entered the month of April, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton shouldn't share the Democratic presidential ticket unless they really want to. She felt it's a good idea but that the candidate, whoever he or she may be, should choose his or her own vice presidential candidate, adding, "Pick me! Pick me!"

Keith Olbermann said on his show that they need to end the Democratic Party primary and have somebody who can take Hillary Clinton into a room and only he comes out. I supposed it could have been worse. He could have said they should lynch her.

During her campaign in Philadelphia, Hillary Clinton said she was not dropping out of the race and that she was going to go the distance, comparing herself to Rocky Balboa; yeah, another sequel no one wants to see. Then she started sounding like Rambo and things started picking up.

The Bosnian girl who was pictured in the now-infamous photos of Hillary Rodham Clinton's 1996 visit to the war-torn country said she was shocked and infuriated that Clinton claimed to have dodged sniper fire that day, saying, "She'd better not show her face around here again or she'll really have to worry about snipers." Fortunately for Hillary, nobody here cares what Bosnia thinks.

At a town-hall meeting Sen. Barack Obama said he would give Al Gore a role in an Obama administration to address the problem of global warming. They'll have him go around the White House making sure all the lights are turned off. Or maybe he could have the White House painted Green. It wouldn't change anything, but it'd be real symbolic.

Hillary Clinton had been telling her audiences on the campaign trail about a pregnant woman in Ohio that supposedly died because she was refused care at a hospital due to being uninsured. Well, the hospital in question refuted the claims and wanted Clinton to stop repeating the story. So now Hillary is telling people the pregnant woman died from sniper fire.

During April, "American Idol" aired its two and half hour "Idol Gives Back" special to raise money for various charity causes. They showed a slew of video clips of celebrities but didn't show videos from Senators Obama, McCain and Clinton. A spokesman for the show said they were cut because McCain sang the same old song, Obama just hit one note over and over and Hillary was "rhymes with pitchy."

While campaigning in Pennsylvania, Barrack Obama ran a TV ad saying he doesn't "take money from oil companies" even though it's been illegal for oil companies to donate to any political campaign for 100 years and two of his biggest donors are oil company executives. Obviously when Obama pulls into a gas station and says "fill 'er up" he's referring to his wallet. Well, his gas tank may be full, but morally, he's running on empty.

Obama said that as part of an anti-poverty program he will invest heavily in clean energy and train people to build windmills. So you know what that means? Yes, Obama is in the pocket of the windmill industry.

While in San Francisco, Obama attempted to describe the people of Pennsylvania and the Midwest and came up with phrases like "they're bitter," and they "cling to guns or religion." This may have cost him support in PA, but he has locked up the Snob vote. But if his insights are so true, how come we don't have video footage of Quakers running around saying "God damn America?"

Oprah Winfrey began suffering in popularity due to her endorsement and campaigning for Barack Obama, a poll showed. In August 2007, a CBS poll found her favorable rating had dropped, from 74% to 61% and then dipped to 55%. Any lower and they might make her president. I wonder if they included Steadman in the poll? It'll be interesting to see how much stuff Oprah will have to give away to offset this Obama taint.

After the Philadelphia Democratic presidential debate on ABC there was a lot of liberal outrage over feelings that Barack Obama was pressed on subjects the media considered off limits. Which is ironic, since prior to the debate, ABC pretty much stood for the All Barack Channel.

BET founder Bob Johnson, a Hillary Clinton supporter, said in an interview that the "liberal media" wants Obama to win, because they don't want to see Bill and Hillary in power again, which is a surprise, because usually TV loves repeats. However, late-night comedians beg to differ.

Ahmed Yousef, chief political adviser to the Prime Minister of Hamas, endorsed Barack Obama in a radio interview. Which I guess means we'll be seeing a lot more "Obama '08" bumper stickers on car bombs. It's all part of their "anyone but an Infidel" strategy. So, I guess Obama's out-reach program is working, although when Hamas says "he's da bomb," it's literal.

Each of the presidential candidates appeared on the World Wrestling Entertainment show "Monday Night Raw" in specially taped messages. Too bad they were pre-taped. You know if Triple H asked them some questions, you'd get an answer. This would explain Obama's new slogan, "Do you smell what the Barrack is changing?" Pro Wrestling. Suddenly President Bush's appearance on "Deal or No Deal" looks classy. Anyone else miss Lyndon LaRouche? What's next, a special edition of "Who Wants to be a President?"

Then Hillary Clinton won in Pennsylvania and the Democratic primary season continued onward. And this was making the Main Stream Media nervous, because they had bought all those "Vote Obama" tee-shirts and buttons already. One newspaper headline summed it up by saying "She can't lose, he can't win." And we can't get a break. As it dragged on many pundits bemoaned the fact that the long, dragged-out fight is going to weaken the Democratic candidate, so Hillary should drop out. Right, stop this really tough campaigning so Obama can win that big, comfy, easy job, President of the United States.

Meanwhile, a federal prison inmate in a Texas prison got himself listed on the ballot for Idaho's May primary as a Democratic presidential candidate, simply by submitting an application and paying the fee. A prisoner running for office? That would certainly cut-out the middle man. This may be optimistic, but he's vowed that the escape tunnel he's digging will be ready in time for his inauguration. His campaign slogan is, "You'll know where I am at 3am." And he's promised "a chicken in every pot and a shovel for every inmate."

"Good Morning America," did a story after the Pennsylvania primary and attempted to explain Hillary Clinton's long predicted victory by saying some Democrats voted for Clinton because they didn't want to vote for a black man. Or, here's a concept, ABC, they voted for Clinton because they preferred Clinton. And this is all ABC's business how? Unfortunately, ABC will never know because we have a secret ballot.