Can an Early Bird and Night Owl Find Lasting Love?

There are all kinds of small things that can cause big problems for a relationship. Sharing similar interests and values are a must, but what about sleep patterns? Can an early bird guy accept his girlfriend's late night habits and vice versa?

Early Bird Mornings

Mornings are a different thing to early birds than they are to night owls. Any night owl who has fallen for an early riser can relate to the irritation of hearing their partner's morning activities while they are trying to catch a few extra Zs.

I'm a night owl myself and I've had two love relationships with morning larks. How well I remember pulling the covers over my head to muffle the sound of my ex brushing his teeth noisily as the sun was just coming up. (I never knew someone could spit so loudly!) Then just as I had fallen back asleep, I was startled awake to find him sitting there on my side of the bed, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Nothing was less sensual than looking into his fully awake, cheerful face, when I was tired and still half asleep!

According to The Scientific Fundamentalist blog in phychologytoday.com, the natural circadian rhythm for humans is to wake when the sun comes up and fall sleep shortly after dusk. A possible reason for this, they explain, is because humans don't have nocturnal vision, which in tribal times would have made them an easy target for predators. However, they tells us that humans have a choice in the matter and over time, can develop their own internal clock. In spite of this fact, a self-righteous early bird should not rush to judgment about their partner's lazy morning attitude.

In fact, in the blog post by evolutionary psychologist, Satoshi Kanazawa, "Why Night Owls are More Intelligent than Morning Larks," he references a study of a large representative group of young people and their sleep habits. Kanazawa points out that the study revealed that night owls had higher IQs than their morning lark counterparts. Based on this study he concludes that, "more intelligent children grow up to be more nocturnal as adults than less intelligent children."

Take that worm, early bird!

If an early bird wants to watch the sunrise each morning, that's great. But if he wants to continue a happy relationship with a lady who thinks the best thing to do at 6:00 A.M. is sleep, he'd best let her do just that! If he will learn how to quietly get out of bed, close the bedroom door before turning on the television in the living room, and be patient until his sweetie's big blue eyes open on their own, he will have a happier life.

Night Owl Nights

Night owlette, it probably bothers you that your early bird guy can't seem to make it to the end of the movies you watch together, right? He might have done just fine when you started dating, but somewhere along the line, his ability to hang with you in the late evening has changed. Many nights as soon as you have settled down to relax with him, he contentedly nods off, and a vicious cycle between the two of you has begun. He falls asleep on your lap while you watch Jimmy Kimmel, and you bury your head in the covers the next morning while he whistles as he works.

But night owls, rather than getting upset over this, think of how irritating it is when he is cheerfully interrupting your morning shut eye. If you want to keep your guy awake in the evening, you might need to plan some stimulating activity, but accept the fact that he won't enjoy burning the midnight oil. When the two of you park it on the sofa on Friday night, be prepared that he might drift off hours before you do. Don't try to keep him awake, instead, look at the bright side. While he sleeps next to you, you gain control of the remote, you can read a few chapters of your book in peace, and you know he's not getting into trouble.

Night Owl and Early Birds: Don't Battle, Just Get Over It!

Another article in psychologytoday.com "The Lark vs. The Owl: Don't Mess with Mother Nature" by Michael J Breus, Ph.D., claims that our skin cells may, "hold the clues to whether or not we are larks or owls." Breus believes in the theory that our internal clocks may be pre-programmed, and warns against trying to change someone. According to the doc, in order to get the right amount of quality sleep, it's best for both of you to hit the sack when you're tired and wake up when you feel rested.

If everything else works in your relationship, there's no need to let the owl or lark in you ruin things. Develop an understanding between the two of you that your schedules will overlap, and agree that neither a night owl nor early bird is better or "right". If you respect each other, you'll find a way to work around conflicting body clocks, enjoying your private time alone, as well as the middle of the day together.

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Resources: Psychology Today website