Can You Fire a Bridesmaid?
When Good Bridesmaids Go Bad
It's not a pretty situation no matter how you look at it. You've asked those who you deem closest to you to be in your wedding and all have happily accepted. But what do you do when one of your gals starts distancing herself, always seems to busy to help, and doesn't make any extra effort to help you.
Experts would probably say no, you shouldn't "fire a bridesmaid". But sometimes good etiquette and necessary measures to preserve your friendship and sanity don't happen to be the same thing. Consider the situation though, before putting your dismissal plan into action. Firing your bridesmaid should really be a last resort. If she's just a truly busy person who can't attend to your every beck and call, but is otherwise a good friend, she deserves to be your bridesmaid. Not everyone has as much free time as you do to contribute to your wedding and while she's happy to be there on your big day, maybe her life is just to hectic to spend tons of extra time shopping for dresses and assembling those favors you thought would take a few hours and you realize will most likely take an entire day. If she's an out-of-town bridesmaid, be realistic of your expectations of her. Rely more on your maid-of-honor and Mom to help do those time consuming tasks (though remember your maid-of-honor has a life too).
Now, on the flipside of that... if she starts making crazy excuses, lies about things so she doesn't have to attend something (and you know for absolute certainty she is lying), then it is time to have the talk. Give her a chance to back out of the situation by turning it around her on. Approach her with something like, "You seem really distracted and a little stressed lately, would it be easier if you could just attend the wedding as a guest rather than participate in it? I'd love to have you there standing beside me, but I'll completely understand if it is more than you bargained for." With any luck, she'll be grateful for the excuse to back out and will do so. If not, you may need to be more direct. Tell her what you need from your bridesmaids and that if she's not up for the task, that it is okay with you and that maybe she'd like to do a reading or hand out programs instead. If there's still a friendship to salvage at this point, put that first.
The most important thing is that you can end the bridesmaid agreement and still be friends. Be considerate of everyone's feelings and you can't go wrong.
Published by Carey
I am a work-at-home mother of two. I own a custom invitation and favor business in Vermont, but writing has been a passion of mine since I was young. View profile
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6 Comments
Post a Commentgreat job! Hugz CJ
Hi,
So, after my shower weekend, I find myself searching the topic "when to fire a bridesmaide". My situation is identical to bride-to-be. I have three bridesmaides and when the one realized she was not going to be the maide of honor she became a terror. Everything has become about her. I had a terrible problem with bridesmaides dresses she rejected everydress. I couldn't take it and gave in to what she wanted.
She complained about my choice in flowers. And it goes on and on. But, to make matters worse she has become rude to my two other maides that have been my friends for 20 years. It is too the point that I too want to eliminate all bridesmaides and tell everyone that we just down sized the wedding. I am besides myself. I realize that if I "fire" her I need to be prepared to handle the consequences. More than anything I am very dissapointed that a friend could act this one. I too question if we were really that good of friends in the beginning.
After the shower, I r
I have the same dilemma right now. This bridesmaid and I were childhood friends and we have remained friends for many years. But it wasn't until this wedding that her true colors showed. She consistently tries to emphasize what SHE would like for the wedding, whether it be the color and length of the bridesmaid dress or the color of the bridesmaid bouquets. She made the decision process so difficult, it took SO LONG to finally decide on a dress because she kept emphasizing that it needs to look flattering on her. Asking for her help always makes me feel bad, like I am required to give her something (eg: take her out to lunch/ drive her to the places I want to look) in exchange for her help. I think she was a bad choice for a bridesmaid to begin with, and I probably should have nipped it in the bud. I am really seeing that either she is a difficult and uncooperative person or we were probably not good enough friends for me to ask her to be part of the bridal party. My wedding
This is an interesting article. My best friend is getting married in October and initially I was her Maid of Honor. Well to make a long story short she sent me a message last week informing me that she needed my measurements by the next day. I sent the her a message later the next day telling her that when I got home I would sent her my measurements(During the day I work and go to school so I'm unavailable from 6:00am to 7:00pm, so I didn't have time to get the measurements to her before then.). Needless to say she sent me a message back saying not to worry about the dress because she no longer wanted bridemaids for her wedding. Well I found out that out of the 7 bridesmaids she had chosen to keep her sister and her cousin, which I didn't have a problem with except that her cousin had viciously broken up her last relationship and they only recently had begun to be on speaking terms. I just feel hurt that she would drop all of us out of the wedding so quickly without any thought. I wond
Interesting article. Unique. I like it!
Great information.This would be a tough situation to deal with.