Can Mama's Boys Be Good Husbands?
That's the way it should be, in my opinion. This is far healthier than having all the connections severed after moving out except for maybe sending a card and making a phone call two-three times a year when you don't really know what to talk about. However, I do see such men placed in the "mama's boy" category; usually, by the wife.
"She calls every day, and he won't put an end to it!" Why should he?? This is his mother. If her calls are not about lecturing and trying to run his life (which they obviously aren't, or he wouldn't put up with it), what is wrong with him spending a few minutes on the phone? Men are not big talkers, so I doubt it that he would spend hours chatting; and I highly doubt it that she actually calls every day, unless there is something unusual happening. I think what takes place here is someone being a little selfish.
Men who love and respect their mother are not mama's boys. They do make good husbands and fathers, and they will make sure their children love and respect their mother as well.
There is, however, another category of men described as mama's boys, and in this case the description fits. A true mama's boy is dependent on his mother, in more ways than one. He never grows up, in a sense. Such men are usually accustomed to being served, to the point that they have no idea of where their socks are, how to do laundry or make even the simplest meal.
The mother does run his life. She will decide what he wears, where he works, and whom he marries. She will meddle into his family affairs, telling him how to deal with his wife and how to raise his kids - and he will listen. His wife will never be a good wife unless she serves as his personal maid, just like mommy did. And mommy will keep reminding her to do so.
True mama's boys may resent the emotional control, but they need the serving, otherwise they simply will not be able to function as they are unable to take care of themselves; for that reason, partly, they will not rebel against the mother's emotional control and manipulation.
When they marry, they may or may not choose to take the leading role in the household; this depends on how bad of a mama's boy case we are dealing with. Those too used to submission will choose to submit to the wife and let her be the head of the house, while those who secretly wanted independence will happily embrace it. That's on the emotional level though. When it comes to where his socks are, he still will not know it unless the wife undertakes the challenging task of transforming his worldview.
I would say that true mama's boys have a chance to become good husbands if they: A) understand that they've got something to work on, and B) sever the umbilical cord and do make an effort to take control of their life.
Published by Laura Lond
I have done many things in my life, from picking herbs for the local pharmacy when I was a kid to working for large international corporations, but I have always wanted to be a writer. View profile
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5 Comments
Post a Commentshe calls every day more than six time ,he spend most of the time with her they are driving me crazy i think i am better of without him, if we need something he better ask his mama , he is a mamas boy,the only things he needs is that hes mother cleans his a__. that how bad it is .
The "your mom sucks" conversation is a difficult one. I think that it is important to realize that YES we daughter in laws do get resentful, jealous, and sensitive about our mother in laws, but it is typically based on their inability to accept us, or to lose their sons. It is also because they don't respect boundaries, and because we are married to them, that is our role, their mother's role is to raise them until they are an adult, and then to step back so that they can live, stepping on toes does cause us to react negatively.
I would be curious to find out which side of this situation the writer, Laura Lond, is on. She sounds like a mother-in-law ;)
While affectionate, I don't even share that kind of relationship with my sons who are 10 & 12 . . . BECAUSE IT WOULD BE WEIRD. I think he does it because he does love and respect her and he senses her need for physical affection. How can he be so intuitive about her needs and not have a clue about mine? What would be the appropriate reaction to that? Of course I am resentful, jealous, and annoyed with them. Seems like pretty natural feelings considering the situation.
Because she is unable to manipulate him, she will play little games with me sometimes. When he is not around, she will make openly rude comments to me, but when he is around she goes to the opposite end of the spectrum and tries to play "I love you most" with me. Again F'N WEIRD! I never know what the hell to say. I HATE IT! It is entirely a ruse so that he will continue to think she is the best. He is aware, he just accepts this flaw of hers and apologizes for her routinely.
The "your mom sucks" conv
I am married to the first type of momma's boy. She tries to manipulate, but for the most part he is able to remain independant of her.
What is weird about my situation is that they are overly affectionate. I never know how to handle it. They sit on the couch and hold hands, he doesn't do that with me. When she is over they exchange, foot rubs, back rubs, shoulder rubs for hours - a completely non-inclusive interaction which I feel makes it intimate - he rarely does that with me. He basically treats her better than me.
She is not married and it is my opinion that she leans on him for those things that she does not have because of being a single woman. (i.e. physical affection, attention, etc) So when she is around they share this relationship that is comparable to my relationship with him and frankly that gives me the heebies. Having the heebies I obviously have to talk to him about it, but to him it is normal and to me it is completely abnormal. While affectionate,
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