Can Marriage Erase Your Identity?

Anytime someone takes on a new role in their life they twitch their label a little bit. If you are going off to college, you are now officially a college student. If you get a new job you have a new title. When you get married you add yet another label. Some people take those label's pretty seriously.

Many wedding vows mention that the two shall become as one. That sounds romantic and wonderful. It is also a little vague for some of us who love to deal with language every day. Does it mean we are one in purpose? If we are becoming one who gets to decide how to resolve the differences that attracted us to each other? Are we looking a the whole situation a little too literally?

There are many changes that can take place when we get married. In a matter of three day I got married, changed my name legally, signed on a home and moved, and purchased a new vehicle so I could live in the new home. We were very busy and it seemed like everything about my life had changed. I went back to work and my name tag said Mrs. Somebody.

You survive that initial shock and then comes the phase when you decide on activities and how you spend your time. Is it acceptable to have girls night out and go dancing with your friends or does the activity need to change? Can he still have football night with his friends or should he watch the game with his spouse? This is where people may begin to lose their personal identities to make sure they are a couple. It's a balancing act at best.

As the holidays roll around you will find an entirely different set of circumstances. My family has Christmas Eve dinner and opens their presents after dinner. He points out how ludicrous that is. You get up at 4:00 am and open presents. Santa couldn't even have delivered the presents on Christmas Eve. We have Christmas goose. They repeat Thanksgiving dinner. What are we going to do?

"I love to watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't want to miss an episode. Why on earth do you have the history channel turned on?" As it turns out maybe the history channel is a better choice. Maybe that is a good switch, but how many things do you change and are both of you changing?

There are times when one person abandons all to become the husband or the wife they imagine they should be. It usually results in an identity crisis later on in life. Eventually they realize that none of their dreams and goals are personal. It's easy to get caught up in the label, remember the loved you as an individual first.