Can Polygamy Ever Be Accepted in America?

The word "polygamy" brings many images to mind. One inescapable image is the sects that force this type of marriage on young girls. That is not the type of polygamy I'm referring to. Though still on the fringe, this type of committed, loving relationship among adults is becoming more common among a varied group of people - from mainstream middle Americans to barefoot hippies. But will it ever mean more than "perv" and "wacko" to Americans?

The first thing that would have to happen for polygamy to be accepted in America is a better understanding of what it is. The term suffers from a big PR problem. Modern polygamy is often confused with polyamoury, or polyamory - the lifestyle involving multiple lovers who know about each other and agree to it.. Polygamists usually live their lives together and include only each other in their sex life. They are also not necessarily religious or conservative, or cult-like.

Just as gay and lesbian relationships challenge the accepted norm in America, polygamy requires people to accept a challenge to very personal beliefs. Gay and lesbian relationships have reached a certain level of acceptance, even state recognition, in many parts of the country, but overall it is still more of a grudging tolerance. Polygamy doesn't even have that.

There many reasons for Americans to resist accepting polygamy as a valid type of union. Recognition could cause complications for Social Security benefits and health insurers. Then there's the question of who gets to make medical decisions on another's behalf. Divorce and custody rights would be further complicated. Yet denying rights based on those concerns puts the interests of the state and corporations before the individual.

Social conventions about interpersonal relationships are always (slowly) changing. We can no longer accept enslaving another person, and we can no longer deny votes based on sex or skin color. We also no longer sanction women giving birth at young ages, which is a good example of how once practical taboos become outdated.

It was once almost unheard of for a woman to not bear children by her twenties, and still is in many parts of the world. In a society where women died young and were expected to work hard, wasting the vigor of youth was impractical. Today, we don't have that need and typical American lifestyle works against teen mothers. Likewise, the taboos against polygamy (not enough women to go around was one problem) are out of date.

There is hope that if legal rights can't be obtained, then at least tolerance can develop. Sects that marry off children are practicing child abuse and should be prosecuted and never tolerated. But consenting adults should have a right to choose to live in a (poly) committed relationships without fear of being ostracized. Frank and open discussions by polygamists on Oprah, and HBO's "Big Love" series has helped in the acceptance of this lifestyle.

In an age where a woman can usually bring her female partner to an office party without fear, she should be able to do the same with two husbands instead (or in addition!). Americans are still struggling to put civil rights above fear of legal complications and personal preference. We will be able to accept polygamy as a lifestyle one day, but it is still a long way off.