Can I Really Survive?

The question comes at 7:00 am in the morning as I am suppose to be getting that extra hour of sleep just before I go to work. My eyes are tightly closed but my mind is wide awake and I can't sleep inwardly. I awake mentally because I had a dreamed that LL cool J was in the mirror of my home and me and afriend admired hi body. Somehow we got all excited but never engaged in a sexual moment with him. I could see those sexy buns and that muscle bound body just look at me. Then me and my friend ended in walking down the road. I ended up somehow talking with my brother on the phone, protested my parents had left and never came back from 5 hours of grocery shopping and just as I said that they appeared and came inside. That's when the dreamed switch to being in a call center trying to do my job but my teammates and the entire floor began to sing loudly and disturbing along with the team lead blasting music that used the word *b*tch constantly( A JAY Z SONG) I was appauld and needed to leave. The noise was disturbing and I was shocked management allowed such mess. I then went into a different dream of walking with my brothers and sister headed I don't know where and step in dog booboo. My sister had to tell me while in the meantime the dream switched to being in a training environment and ho'and below, I wasn't suppose to be there. They were looking all over for me but I did not want to take phone calls. After things became so heated over the fact that I wasn't suppose to be in training, my dream then switched to sitting in a classroom and having to go to a concert with a bunch of books in a bookbag. It was like a parody of life events that people I didn't know or recognized was staging for others to see. It started with people getting into a funeral family car as to go bury someone and I didn't know if it was real or not. Then it switch to some females in peppermint strip suites with flutes magically appearing out of thin air. Out of no where comes this girl that I recognized but did not know her name and she declared that everyone needed to trust in God and everything will be alright. While she started to walk towards me I thought she had recognized me the way I recognized her but she spoke and sit next to the girl in front of me whom I knew as well. We all went to school together. Then the strangest thing happen, she was wearing pants and one of the legs were cut of to were you could almost see her private part and she sat openly like a guy and was cursing and being nasty. I could see bursted red vains and sores on her inner thighs. My dreamed then switched to this little girl who was having her period and I had to provide her with pads to were. all of a sudden I was back in a school setting sitting in class and I recieved a phone call from my bank. A lady who was of African American decent wanted me to verify my secret question and I asked her how did I know she was legit and when she got snippy about being a bank personal I went ahead and provided it was either my deceased uncle name or my living father, then she told me to hold a moment. At that point I realized it may have be fraud and said M'am please don't take my money, I don't have much, I need the little I do have, please don't take from me. All she would say was one moment and then hung up. I was destroyed. I kept trying to dial the bank but was to distraught to dial the numbers, I keep trying but I could never dial the number right to try and stop the transaction, I then awake in reality to needing to use the bathroom and realized it was all just a dream.

I am in fear about so many things and most is about my life. I have been so broke, busted and disgusted for so long that I am starting to wonder "Can I really make it through?" I trust and believe in God and I know that he is a way maker but how long do I have to suffer to make it through. Suicide is a contemplation and robbing someone else is farfetched with the soul I have. Can I make it through these tough times without loosing my young 32 year old mind. I go to a job that I don't like everyday just to survive for me and my husband but I am worn. Are there any others who feel this way?