Can You and Your Spouse Communicate?

I believe that communication is the #1 reason why marriages last 20, 30, 40, 50+ years. I also believe the inverse in that the #1 reason marriages end is because of a lack of communication. People may say the biggest reason of divorce is money... but if one person is doing something with money the other isn't aware of, then that's a lack of communication. Some people may say infidelity... but if one person feels they have to go to another for satisfaction, then to some extent there's a lack of communication. Others may say it's because they've grown apart. If you've grown apart then there had to be a fork in the road, a last chance where you and your partner could have worked something out... but one decided to go one way, and another decided to go another way. Marriage is all about communication.

When you got married, the night of your wedding day you communicated physically through sexual intercourse... when you were dating, you communicated in getting to know one another... when one deals with sickness, you communicate by picking up the slack until the other feels better, or if God forbid it's a long-lasting illness, you communicate by showing love even in a tough situation. There are many ways to communicate with each other and not every method is verbal.

I want to present a few questions for you and your spouse to answer together. They should help you both understand where each other is in your journey of communication. At the end of answering these questions you'll get the answer to the question as stated in my title, "Can you and your spouse communicate?" You may find the answers rather interesting.

1) Do you feel that you can tell your spouse anything at all?

2) Would you tell your spouse anything at all?

3) What is the way you can tell your spouse is angry at you?

4) Are you comfortable going long periods of time in silence?

5) If there was a problem sexually would you talk to your spouse about it?

6) How do you handle your arguments or disagreements?

7) Do you place your trust in someone other than your spouse in any area?

8) What thoughts do you often have toward your spouse when he/she is not around?

9) What does your spouse feel the strongest about?

10) What does your spouse want to do the most in life?

11) If you both received $1 million in a joint banking account, how would you spend it?

12) Have you ever had moments where you finished each other's sentences? Or filled in a word in a sentence that your spouse couldn't think of?

13) The children have grown up and are out of the house. How will you spend your time together?

14) Have you ever had intimate conversations with a person other than your spouse? If so, how does your spouse feel about that?

15) What do you both believe jointly? What do you both believe differently? What do you both hate equally?

What you want to keep in mind is that these questions are to help you communicate with each other. It's okay if you have opposing answers. That just means there might be areas you need to work on individually as well as together. Be honest and open about your answers. You might find that something in a person's past is the reason why communication is the way it is for that person. Don't go off on a person because they answer a certain way... rather lovingly work to understand them in that area and make it a point to grow your marriage from that point forward.

Communication is work, I won't lie to you. I haven't been married a ton of years and have learned that one. What you have probably found out is that how you talk and what you talked about while you're dating might be different than what you're talking about married. Communication is a lifelong journey. As long as you're married you'll always have need (and hopefully desire) for effective communication. Like I said before, communication is not always verbal. So don't think because he isn't saying anything that he's not saying something... silence sometimes speaks louder than words.

Renew your commitment to communicate with each other and watch your relationship flourish by leaps and bounds. Who knows? For someone reading this, it may be the very thing that saves your marriage.