Can Teenagers Really Have a "Healthy Sex Life"?

In 1985, I was 13 years old and in the eighth grade. One day, I was sitting in my English class when one of my rather well-developed classmates sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. She was a pretty girl with blonde hair and a beautifully made up face. I remember very clearly how she enthusiastically told me that she'd "gotten laid" a couple of nights before by her boyfriend. Not wanting to seem uninformed, I nodded and smiled. The truth was, at 13 years of age, I didn't have the foggiest notion what "getting laid" meant. I knew how babies were made and I'd watched enough HBO to have a pretty good idea about what sex was, at least in theory, but I had never been "laid" and I had never even heard of that expression.

Five years later, I graduated high school on the football field of the very same school where I'd had that rather inappropriate conversation with my classmate. At least three of my fellow classmates were pregnant that day and looked as if they could have had their babies on the football field as we marched up to receive our diplomas. I still wasn't having any sex, but by then, I think I knew what "getting laid" meant. I also noticed that a lot of my friends had developed an unusual attraction to wearing turtlenecks in an attempt to hide the hickeys left on their necks during enthusiastic makeout sessions.

Nine years after graduating high school, I went to graduate school at the University of South Carolina to earn master's degrees in public health and social work. Those fields of study put me squarely on the front lines of teen pregnancy and sexual health issues. I spent about a year and a half working as a graduate assistant for South Carolina's Department of Health and Environmental Control (DHEC) in health policy and maternal and child health. Part of my job was to monitor federal and state legislation that had anything to do with public health. A big part of my job was learning about the abstinence movement, promoting sexual abstinence among teenagers. In the early 2000s, South Carolina legislators seemed to be very keen on getting teenagers to "keep it in their pants".

Even though I personally was abstinent during my teen years, I knew that many of my peers were not. And while I could see the rationale behind promoting sexual abstinence among teenagers, I wasn't so sure the movement would be a success. After all, as I was working at DHEC tracking legislation aimed at promoting sexual abstinence, I was also working as a medical social work intern, helping pregnant teens access pre-natal care and getting the ones who'd already had babies signed up with programs that would help them learn how to properly care for their children. I could definitely see the value in encouraging young people to wait... and yet, I could also see that not teaching them about sexuality and making them feel as if having sex was somehow "dirty" or wrong could lead to disaster.

It seems that Americans are very polarized about the subject of sex, especially when it involves teenagers. In 2009, feminist author Jessica Valenti wrote a book called The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession With Virginity Is Hurting Young Women. Jessica Valenti is a feminist writer, speaker, and blogger who is very outspoken about teens and sex. In her book, Valenti reveals that she lost her virginity at age 14. However, unlike my eighth grade classmate who seemed proud to talk about her sexual adventures, Valenti found herself the subject of scorn. Classmates called her a slut. Teachers and administrators labeled her "at risk". Her mother warned that no one would want to marry her because of her reputation.

Valenti argues that there is nothing dirty about sexual intercourse. It's a perfectly natural activity and that young people, especially girls, who choose to have sex should not be negatively labeled for their choice. Valenti also seemed a bit perturbed that there is often a double standard when it comes to the way people perceive males and females and sex. In 2007, she wrote a book entitled He's A Stud, She's A Slut, And 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, which points out that males who have sex don't get saddled with the same baggage that women who have sex often do. Though I don't always agree with Valenti's very feminist leanings, I have to agree that I have seen a double standard upheld between men and women and that's especially true for teenagers. I knew quite a few young women in high school who were considered "slutty" while no one seemed to care much about what the boys were doing.

I read and reviewed Valenti's book, The Purity Myth, when it was first published. My review, which appeared on Epinions.com, generated a lot of discussion. One commenter posted a link to an article about teen sex that appeared in The Daily Mail, a British publication. The article, which was posted the day before my review of Valenti's book, was about leaflets distributed by Britain's National Health Service that stated school pupils "have a 'right' to an enjoyable sex life and it is good for their health". The leaflet had generated outrage among family campaigners, who claimed the leaflet promoted underage sex. I understand why the leaflet caused so much controversy. Sex can be a very healthy and natural activity for those who are ready for it; but how many teenagers really are ready for the responsibilities that can come with having intercourse?

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, in 2006, there were approximately 750,000 pregnancies to women under age 20. The organization reports that the overall national rate of pregnancy was 71.5 per 1000 women between the ages of 15 and 19. The good news is that according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy's statistics, the statistics show that the number of teen pregnancies are dropping. In 1988, which was when I was a teen, statistics showed that as many as 111.4 per 1000 women between the ages of 15 and 19 were pregnant. The data also vary by state and ethnic group; for instance, apparently girls in New Mexico are a lot more likely to get pregnant than girls in New Hampshire are.

I'll be honest. I think today's teenagers live a very different reality than the teens of my generation did. It seems like today, there's so much more out there for teens to deal with, things that make them grow up faster. Today, we have the Internet, which has changed and complicated life drastically for those who use it. Thanks, in part, to the Internet, many of today's kids are exposed to sex, violence, and drugs at increasingly young ages. There also seems to be a lot more emphasis on religion, with some people embracing it whole-heartedly and others being very outspoken about rejecting it.

Today's kids are also protected in ways they never were before. We have a lot more laws protecting children against the actions of adults, and while perhaps there's less of a "village" mentality in raising kids today, a lot more people seem comfortable in speaking up if they think a child is being abused or neglected. While my mom often sent me out to play for hours and never knew where I was, today's moms seem to be encouraged to shelter their kids. Nowadays, it seems like parents who let their children play unsupervised are liable to be investigated by child protective services. Kids who seem to be too precocious about sexual matters at a young age are viewed with suspicion. And where have all those protective measures taken us? It seems like we have a lot of young people who know a lot about sex, violence, and drugs, yet they aren't quite mature enough to know how to safely cross the street by themselves. I have to admit, I've run into a disturbing number of people who seem like 13 year olds in 30 year old bodies... people who are physically mature, yet emotionally and experientially immature.

Even with all the protections in place for kids today, teen pregnancy remains a huge problem. While I can agree that there is nothing dirty about sex and young people should not be permanently labeled for being sexually active, I don't believe that most teens are really ready for everything that can come after having intercourse. I don't believe that most teenagers can really have a "healthy sex life", not unless they are unusually mature, evolved, and aware. Yes, a lot of young people know a lot more about sex than they did when I was a teen. But it also seems like a lot of young people are less ready for the world. If they are less ready for the world, which continually grows more and more complicated, how can they be ready for sex, which can potentially lead to the creation of new life? All I know is that I don't envy the parents of today, nor do I envy the teens who are coming of age. Life continues to grow evermore complicated for everybody.

Sources

Martin, Daniel (July 12, 2009) "Pupils told they have a 'right' to a good sex life: That's the advice for youngsters from the NHS" Retrieved from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1199132/NHS-recommends-pupils-orgasm-day-reduce-risk-heart-attack-stroke.html?ITO=1490

Epinions user knotheadusc (July 13, 2009) "Is virginity overrated?" Retrieved from www.epinions.com/content_477314584196

www.jessicavalenti.com

Valenti, Jessica (April 1, 2009). The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women. Seal Press.