Captain Liquid Courageous

Entered the room like a fly stuck to flypaper
Unable to move or speak anything important
Observed the relaxed atmosphere from a distance
Like a rehab patient going through a severe detox
Hidden tremors and stomach severely twisted
Transformed into an overcooked steak
After too much preparation in the kitchen
Craved a shot of Patron to loosen up the floorboards
Maybe even the Flying Nun's lips if really necessary
One more and a 60s version of Sophia Loren will appear
Ready to shake her hips at any guy she meets
Causing whiplash for every one she passed by
From an era when womanly curves were still the 8th deadliest sin
Instead stuck crudely singing to a Duran Duran cover badly
And trying to pass for a poor woman's Pat Benatar under bad lighting
Persuaded to approach the makeshift wooden stripper pole
Like it was the perfect solution to a fading alcoholic buzz
A haze that resembled being on an endless treadmill with tunnel vision
Frightened by the sight of people pointing and secretly laughing
Grasped another shot of Amaretto and some blueberry wine to forget
Equilibrium tore to shreds to match the supermarket kneehighs on the floor
Barefoot and apparent that everyone is having cause for alarm
Time to exit the scene and enter a new one at the nearby sports bar
Drooling over archive fight footage as if it was legitimate porn
Ordered a Cosmo instead of a Vodka Martini just how 007 liked it
Glued to a stool under closing time to return home smelling of a 100 proof ashtray
Enjoyed the night life but not looking forward to daytime stiff joints and headaches
A price paid for being the lost member of the Animal House gang