Caring for a Chronically Ill Parent or Loved One

Dealing with a parent who is facing a major health challenge can be one of the most challenging, frustrating, heartbreaking and at times rewarding experiences of your life. This article is going to focus on adult children who have to deal with elderly parents who are facing major health challenges. Children who have parents who have a parent who is facing a major help challenge should be as supported and protected as possible. It is not fair nor is it realistic to think that a ten year old should or could deal with a parent with a major health challenge. Dealing with the issues relating to health issues should be the responsibility and the burden of the other adults in the child's life.

As an adult when you parent faces a major health challenge very often the roles change. Even if you are forty if your parents are healthy and alive it is likely that you still rely on your parents for emotional, spiritual and at times financial support. This all changes and it changes rapidly when you get the news that your parent is ill. All of a sudden you become the true adult in the relationship.

You are the one who will most likely be making medial and financial decisions. It may be up to you to decide if your parent is going to get treatment and if so what type of treatment is going to be given. Will your parent be allowed to go back to his or her home. If your parent is allowed to go home will he or she be able to live by themselves? Will you parent have to move into a nursing home or with your or a sibling.

Often your parents will fight and argue with you about living and financial arrangements. Your parent may continue to try and protect you and fail to give you full information because they do not want you to worry or they do not want to lose their independence. Getting old can be very difficult. Being old and ill can be exhausting and disheartening. Your parents are faced with their own mortality and you are faced with your mortality. No matter what anyone tells you it is difficult. It can also be expensive. Your parents may no longer have the financial ability to provide for their medical treatment coupled with their daily living expenses. This means you and your spouse/partner and your siblings may have to step in and help out. This can put pressure on all relationships including the one between you and your parent.

The most important thing to remember when a parent is diagnosed with a major illness is that your parent does not want to be sick and most parents would never chose to burden their children with the emotional and financial stressors related with illness. The second thing you must do is be honest with yourself and with your parent. Having to care for a parent may make you angry or depressed. If your childhood include abuse or alcoholism or another type of dysfunction all of this may be dredged up when your role becomes one of caring for your parent. While it may not sound politically correct you may be angry with your parent or you may feel empty. All of these feelings are normal and OK. If you find yourself getting depressed or angry see a therapist or join a support group for adult children caring for parents with chronic and major illness.

Caring for a parent with a major or chronic illness will also give you the opportunity for growth and expanded self awareness and while these experiences are often not pleasant when you look back at this time you may be surprised at how grateful you are for the experience. Caring for a parent with a major or chronic illness will allow you to test your strength. It will demonstrate your ability to step up and support those that you love. You may even learn to be kinder to yourself because at times, especially if you are the primary caregiver, you will be exhausted to the bone and feel raw and exposed. On these days reach out to other family and friends and allow them to support you are you support your parent.

When the experience is over due to a parent's recovery or death chances are if you stepped up and did your best when you look back on your life this time will be one of which you are proud. You did the right thing. You were strong and kind and you loved during extremely difficult times. I struggle with my faith and the meaning of life but I am choosing to believe that at the end of your life when you may be the one being cared for you will not regret the sacrifices that you made you will know you made the only real choice.