Caring for Someone Who is Dying

Death is a part of everyone's life whether they want to face it or not. Death can be a very confusing time if you don't know what to expect. If you are caring for someone or have a family member that is dying you probably have several questions about the dying process. I am going to explain some of the things that can happen when a person is in the final stages of life. When a person learns they are going to die it can bring several different emotions to the surface. Usually the biggest being fear. No one wants to die and leave his or her family and friends. They might have a fear of going to sleep or being left alone. They may have a strong desire for physical contact such as holding your hand. They may like to talk about the past and people who have already passed on. They may have the feeling of needing to complete certain tasks such as making sure the house is clean or they have arrangements made for their pet, I cared for one patient that wanted to make sure she had a new pair of shoes and she wouldn't rest until she her daughter had brought them, she wanted to make sure she had them to be buried in and she felt like this had to be completed before she could be at peace.

Some might turn to their faith and want to have their minister or preacher there. Some may also question their religion and wonder why they have to die. They might be in denial and act like everything is fine. They might feel angry. They might be angry with the Dr's for not being able to help them. These are all normal feelings and they need to be allowed to talk open and honestly about how they are feeling. Once a person has accepted they are dying they might decide to stop all medical treatments. They might choose to stop going to the Dr.'s or hospitals and go home to die. This can really be a hard thing for some families to accept. It might seem as if the person is giving up and they quit fighting. This is their choice and they will need to know you accept it and support their decisions. You will want to discuss the person's last wishes with them while they are able to be alert and understand. Some people have religious beliefs that include various rituals once they die. You can discuss these with their preacher or minister to get a better understanding. You will want to let their pastor, minister, etc. know that the person is in their final stages of life so they will be able to visit them in the hospital or at home to provide spiritual counseling to the patient. This can be very comforting to the person and might help them to get answers to any religious questions they might have. When a person is dying they might ask you for permission to let go, this can be very hard but they need to hear you will be OK after they are gone.

There will be several changes in a person's body when the dying process has started, they might not want anything to eat or drink. This is completely normal their body doesn't need any nutrition at this time. They might be sleeping more, and become less responsive. Just because they are sleeping doesn't mean they don't know you are there with them. Sitting and holding their hand can be a great comfort at this time. You can also continue to talk to them and comfort them. They will become incontinent as the kidneys shut down. They make disposable diapers that will make it easier to keep them clean and dry. If you aren't able to provide care for the patient there are many Home Health agencies that have people trained in how to care for someone that is facing death. They can be there to keep the patient clean and look after any needs they have. If you are the caregiver it is important to keep the patient clean and dry to prevent any skin break down. Try to keep them comfortable in the bed, and make sure to reposition them every few hours. If they refuse to eat or drink they might like to have their mouth moistened, they make swabs to do this they can be found at the pharmacy. You just dip them in water and place in the patients' mouth. You might want to apply Chap Stick to keep their lips from cracking. If they are having trouble swallowing this can make taking any medications hard you can request them in liquid or suppository form from the Dr.

They may run a temperature at this time and breathing might become irregular or sound different to you, it might even stop for periods of time. This is not to be of concern the person is not in distress. There legs and arms may start to cramp this is from the lack of fluids. Try to gently rub them and ease the pain. Their arms and legs may also become cool to the touch; this is from the circulation slowing down. The main point is to make sure the patient is as comfortable as they can be and that you honor their wishes, even if you do not agree. Death can take weeks or days and be a very stressful and tiring time. Make sure you take a break even if for a few minutes to allow yourself to recharge. Have a friend or family member sit with the patient. If you have a home nurse or hospice they can sit with them for a little bit while you grab a shower or a bite to eat. You have to take some time for you to be able to provide the best care for your patient or loved one. If you are the caregiver you still need to take time for yourself to deal with your feelings, especially if you have been caring for the patient for a while. If there is family members visiting you could take a break and go outside for a few minutes, this would allow for some alone time for the family, just let them know where you are in case they need something.

As the body shuts down completely there will be signs that death has occurred they are the lack of pulse and breathing, the release of bowel and bladder (although this doesn't always happen if they have not had any food or drink in awhile.), The eyelids will be slightly opened and the eyes will be staring at a certain spot. The mouth will be slightly opened and relaxed. After the death has occurred you can take as much time as you need to be with them. If you have Hospice you need to call them and let them know the person has passed, they will come to assist you if you want. You will also need to call the funeral home so they can make arrangements to pick up the body. Whether you were the care giver or it was your family member you need to grieve, everyone handles death differently some may cry while others will tell stories of the person life and remember the good times .

The important part is to remember that the way you are feeling is completely normal. Death is a natural part of life.