Carla's Delicious Barbecued Ribs

Carla wiped barbecue sauce from her lips. Succulent barbecued ribs. The best she had ever eaten. But now it was time for her to get on the internet, go to a dating site and search for a new man. Her last one was gone. He had lasted three months.

She sat at her computer ogling over the men. No, that one is way too fat. Look at that one without a shirt, showing off his muscles. No thank you. How come so many guys are nothing but skin and bones these days?

Carla found it funny she wasn't even interested in finding a lover. She just wanted a man. She had tried women before, and they were good, but she didn't like double-crossing her sister-kind.

She thought about those delicious ribs as she inspected each man. The best. And she knew it wasn't just her barbecuing. They were special ribs. Actually, the whole quarry sent her into an orbit of delight.

Her first man had taught her how to hunt and butcher the kill. Then he went missing on one of their hunting trips. Carla told everyone they had gotten into an argument. He stormed down the mountain in a fit of anger. No one ever saw him again. All their friends figured he obtained a new identity and was living it up in some foreign country. All old history, now.

Since then she had more men than she could count. That's how she knew what type of man she wanted. Trial and error. And the dumber the better.

The men on dating sites were stupid. Well, the women were no rocket scientists, either. Idiots because everyone on those sites believed in one thing--love. What a joke. She always thought of a line out of an old movie. "We are smart enough not to buy into the oldest myth running--love. Fiction created by people to keep them from jumping out of windows." She wasn't foolish enough to leap out of a window or to buy into the oldest myth.

She spotted the man she wanted. Not too short--not too tall. Not too fat--not too skinny. And not too muscular. Now if he was as stupid as he looked, he will be her next man. She shot off an email giving him her phone number.

An hour later the phone rang.

"Hello," Carla answered.

"Hi. Is this Carla?" a man's voice asked.

"Yes. And you are?"

"Jim. You sent me an email asking me to call."

"Yes," Carla replied. "I'm not doing anything tonight. Would you like to meet?"

"That sounds great."

"How about at Hooters?"

"It's sounding better all the time," Jim said. "I can be there by eight."

"I'll be there." Carla hung up. Daft, she thought as she strolled into the bedroom to change clothes. She slipped on a low-cut blouse, the shortest skirt she owned and high heals that laced up to her knees. In the bathroom she ran a brush through her long, blond hair. Put on makeup to cover the freckles over her nose and to highlight her big, brown eyes. She drizzled perfume on her neck and well developed chest.

Carla strutted into the restaurant at exactly eight o'clock. She recognized Jim from his online photo. He sat in the waiting area scrutinizing the waitresses. "Jim?" she asked.

"Wow." Jim sprang to his feet. "You're stunning!"

"Thank you," Carla said. "You're quite handsome yourself."

A hostess asked, "Are you ready to be seated."

"Yes," Jim said.

Carla followed the hostess with Jim behind her. She made sure she put a wiggle in it to catch his attention, but not so much to make it look funny.

The hostess pointed to a table. "This all right?"

"It's fine." Jim dashed over and held the chair for Carla.

As soon as Jim sat down Carla reached over and bushed some imaginary substance off his jacket, making sure she leaned far enough forward so he would have a perfect view down her low-cut blouse. "You have something on your jacket."

"Thank you," Jim said, his eyes aimed right where Carla intended them to.

"You know what?" Carla asked.

"What?"

"I'm really not hungry. Do you want to go to my place?"

"Do I ever!" Jim exclaimed.

"We'll take my car." Carla bounced out of her chair.

"Works for me," Jim said as he followed her out of the restaurant.

Carla drove to her house, eased her car into the garage, parked and said, "Don't get out yet. I have nosy neighbors and the gossip is horrible. I don't want them to know I have someone with me. Wait until the door closes."

As soon as the garage door hit the cement, Carla sprang out of the car, raced around to the passenger's side and grabbed Jim's hand. "Come on," she said and led him into a room filled with whips, chains, ropes, pulleys and masks.

"I'm into kinky sex," Carla said as she grabbed a rope. "Get naked and turn around so I can tie you up."

Jim ripped his clothes off and spun around. "I'm all yours," he said as he folded his hands behind his back.

Carla tied his hands, grabbed a rope connected to a pulley hanging from the ceiling and tied his feet with it. "You're going to love this," she said as she slipped a gag into his mouth. Then she yanked the rope attached to the pulley. Whipped Jim off his feet. He swung upside down. She wrapped the end of the rope around a hook in the wall, strolled to a drawer, slid it open, took out a white butcher's apron and put it on. She drew out a butchering knife and whetstone.

Jim moaned and squirmed violently as Carla slowly stroked the knife across the whetstone, sharpening it.

"Don't worry." Carla laughed. "It'll all be over in a matter of seconds. I just hope you're as delectable as my last man."