Carnivorous Males and Herbivorous Females

After reading a certain article I took a stab at my girlfriends' lifestyle - I attempted to plant the seed of vegetarianism into my steak-stained soul. Big mistake. On average I devour at least one meal a day including tuna, turkey, or beef. Now don't get me wrong, I do swallow my fruits and veggies; mainly because my girlfriend is there to remind me. She eats salad. I eat beef. It's what's for dinner.

The few vegetarian males I know always become the hunted when around my ham-eating coterie; not necessarily a cattle-prodding, but more along the lines of headless-chicken bewilderment-crazed retorts.Most males I know appear to subconsciously believe that real men eat meat, which seems to coincide with recent statistics according to research presented by Dr. Beletshachew Shiferaw last week, at the 2008 International Conference of Emerging Infectious Diseases. In an article by Jim Silwa regarding the conference, he summarizes FoodNet's research on the subject, saying that the population survey of over 14,000 Americans found that "men were significantly more likely to eat meat and poultry products especially duck, veal, and ham. They were also more likely to eat certain shellfish such as shrimp and oysters".

The first day without my dose of meat was bearable, I barely noticed. I thought I was cured of my addiction! I was not part of the herd anymore; I was free from coup. It was all sunshine and photosynthesis from there on. Then came day two. I was parched, exhausted and had no appetite. If the seed was planted, and the flower had bloomed in my stomach, bees were mistaking me for an enemy - stinging non-stop. Not to mention the buzzing headache and dizziness. I was becoming a delirious carnivore in need of some sustenance. Still, I persevered at my attempt in metamorphosing into an herbivore.

Although, Biblically speaking, Adam and Eve were vegetarians (probably even vegans), it was Eve who gave into temptation and ate the apple; it was Eve who convinced Adam to eat the apple. Shortly after their expulsion, our dear friend Noah built a giant boat, put some animals and family members on it, and survived a deluge. God then told Noah, "Let there be meat!" Well, more along the lines of: "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. I have given you all things, even as the green herbs" (Gen 9:3). Eve, the first Biblical female, was also the most fruit-indulgent. Thanks, Eve.

Needless to say, by the third day I was at wit's end. I could barely walk, talk, or stand up. My solution - the only thing I could do - go to 711, purchase a bag of Pemmican Original Flavor beef jerky, and indulge. I was cured. I severed what little of my plant had grown, sat on the couch, pigged out, and had never felt better. Eat meat, it kept me from dying (well, I felt like I was going to...).

SOURCES:

Sliwa, Jim, The Difference in Eating Habits between Men and Women American Society for Microbiology

Zeola, Gary. Creationist Diet Summary Fitness for One and All