Carroll County Driving

Carroll County has been my home for seventeen years. I have lived in Hillsville for almost four years now. My driving is not perfect, but recently I have learned just how messed up the other people's driving skills are. Hillsville is not a safe place to drive, park, tow, or push your car.

School Property
Don't ever park your car behind a school bus, actually, never do anything to get your car within one-hundred feet of a school bus. They are like elephants. They are going to get where they need to go and they don't care who or what they take out on the way. You will at some point find their exhaust pipe on your windshield if you stay in Carroll County long enough.

Mail Boxes
Mail boxes are federal property...Ignore them. They will jump out in front of you and there is nothing to do about it. Rainy days, curvy roads, and steep hills make them even more likely to try to wreck your car. One day you will be driving around a curve on a hill in the rain & you will look up and a mail box will be stalking your car. They are evil things, find a way to avoid and ignore them at the same time.

Texting
One thing you can count on in Carroll County is people texting. I like to call them texters. There is always a teenager texting or a parent trying to learn how to. The texting speed is the speed limit around here. Teenagers texting at eighty words per minute will be driving at eighty miles per hour. Adults texting at fifteen letters per minute will be going fifteen miles per hour. Watch your surroundings and judge people's age. If you fail to do so, you will end up behind the person going fifteen miles per hour with the one driving eighty miles per hour coming up behind you.

DUI's
Carroll County is a little town full of hicks. We all know hicks enjoy their moonshine and such festive drinks. After a night or day or even a morning of drinking, they hop into their beat up rust bucket trucks to go for a drive. These people may be fun to watch, but they are dangerous. So if you see a truck with a rebel flag or a deer somewhere on it, turn around right then. Around here those are the two signs of a drunk. Beware.

Critters
Hunters around here don't quite reach the peak of their capabilities. This means that civilians are outnumbered seven to one by animals. But don't trust that statistic, Carroll County Schools don't teach their kids math. Opossums, raccoons, deer and bears, we have them all. Don't swerve to miss one that crawls out in front of you, you will only take out the rest of its family. It is sure to be a large family because animals around here reproduce as fast as our teenagers. Try to avoid the dead animals in the road, but don't mind the people that are trying to hit them. They are just looking for supper.

Flea Market
This event was placed in Hillsville city limits to cause distress among drivers. Traffic is backed up and everybody experiences road rage during this time of year. There is only one way to safely make it through the flea market. Drive fast. If you hit another car or a person, just drive faster. The police are sure to be more cautious than you and won't swerve and speed through the stopped traffic to catch you.

Carroll County is a dangerous place to drive. There are many obstacles to get through. Unless you have lived here your whole life, you can't drive safely. If at all possible stay away from here! If you must come through Carroll County, just take my tips and remember to use them.