Cat vs. Christmas Tree

It all started one otherwise unassuming Thanksgiving weekend. I and my newly adopted 4-month-old kitten, Zoey, were spending a relaxing Saturday at my parents' house. The day before, I had helped my mom untangle lights and decorate the tree with the myriad of Hallmark ornaments we've collected over the years. This day, with Mom gone at work and Dad tackling the leaves in the yard, I was left to catch up on some must neglected TV viewing. That's when it began.

Alerted by an unnatural rustling sound, I looked over to find Zoey deeply embedded in the artificial boughs of the tree. Immediately I went to the rescue - of the tree. Plunging my delicate hands amidst the prickly needles and sharp claws, I managed to extract Zoey from the tangle of lights and ornaments and deposit her safely away from the tree. Problem solved, I thought to myself. But Zoey already had a taste of tree in her, and she wanted more. Once more she climbed up, knocking fragile if not valuable ornaments off left and right. I held my breath as each dropped to the carpet below, but none came to harm. Gathering them over to one side, where I thought they would be safe, I again plunged my hands into the fray. Struggling and flailing, Zoey shook the tree as I pulled her out. Something flashed past the edge of my vision and I heard the chnk that I'd been dreading. Cat secured in one arm, I looked down to see a shattered red and white Indiana Hoosiers ornament, which had been dive-bombed by a more solid ornament knocked off in the last foray. It was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place I had put it. Zoey spent the rest of the afternoon shut in a Christmas tree free room.

My parents' tree was safe, but what of my own? Zoey and I traveled home Sunday night where I set up my own, somewhat smaller Christmas tree. I thought maybe the smaller tree wouldn't be able to support a cat, or maybe she had learned her lesson. None the less, I kept all the glass ornaments in the box and only hung those that I thought durable enough to survive. I had not even started decorating before Zoey launched herself into the tree. Apparently the smaller tree would still hold her weight. Well, I thought to myself, as long as she doesn't knock it down, I guess she's not doing any harm. I dutifully left the bottom two rows of branches bear, to minimize temptation, and went to bed.

The next morning I came upon the first casualty. A Hallmark ornament of a little ice-skating Eskimo, polar bear, and penguin lay in pieces on the floor. The little polar bear still had hold of a severed little Eskimo hand. A tragedy of an unjust war. As of today, negotiations have been abandoned and both sides are relying on third-party intervention just to keep the peace.