Cats: More like Children Than You Realize

Okay, I'll confess. I'm over 40, have no children, and don't feel a bit of regret. My boyfriend and I enjoy our freedom. In spite of the occasional curious queries from relatives, we have no immediate plans to reproduce. We're okay with that, although we're aware not everyone shares our peaceful state of mind.

There are those who would say that childlessness is a sad thing. Surely we must feel incomplete? "But children bring you joy," they might protest. "Having children lets you experience the happiness that only comes from caring for a tiny life which is completely dependent on you." No problem, I say. We've already experienced that; we have cats.

Cats are already like children in many ways. Like children, they can be mischievous, stubborn and sometimes downright sneaky, and like children they rely on their cuteness to save them from punishment. This is an effective strategy. It doesn't matter whether it's a cat or a toddler who has broken something. You'll be standing in the midst of the wreckage and deciding on an appropriate punishment, the culprit will gaze up at you sorrowfully with those big eyes, and you won't be able to manage more than a good talking-to.

Like children, cats are picky about what they eat. You can give them the same type of canned food for months, and they'll gobble it down, lick the can and try to steal bites from each other. Then one day, they sniff the plate and look at you with an expression that says, 'Is that it? Yuck.' I've seen a similar attitude in young children who happily survive on macaroni and cheese and refuse anything else, then one day decide that maybe they were wrong, and hot dogs are the One True Food. Don't even try to offer the cat (or child) the previous favorite again; all it'll earn you are scornful looks.

They'll both keep misbehaving even after you tell them to stop. Despite repeated attempts at discipline, our cats still like to scratch on the furniture. Yells and swats intended to chase them off only result in glares that very clearly say, 'You're not the boss of me.' Who hasn't seen this same defiance in a young child? Cats can't throw noisy tantrums, but the basic idea is the same in both cases; whether cat or child, they just wait until you're out of the room and then resume the forbidden behavior, only more quietly.

They'll find ways to steal treats, no matter what you do to prevent it. I recently left a bag of cat treats on a desktop at night, foolishly believing that the sealed foil bag would be enough to deter the cats from trying anything. Wrong! As soon as the lights were out, I heard crinkling noises. I went back to the living room to see what was going on, and there they both were, on top of the desk, trying their best to chew into the bag. Children are equally determined in this regard; they'll search the kitchen with the precision of FBI agents if they know you've hidden cookies somewhere.

Both cats and children seem to think dangerous fun is the best kind. Mojo, the younger of our two furry children, is a good example of this. Her favorite place to sleep is on top of the kitchen cabinets; they're about a foot wide and the top surface is perhaps six and a half feet off the ground. Sometimes she jumps up there and chases her tail. She does this for two reasons: first, because it's fun, and second, because it makes mommy nervous. A young relative once did something similarly nerve-wracking, strolling casually along a steep cliff, oblivious to the frightened adults nearby. See what I mean? And the similarities continue!

They've both perfected the fine art of sulking. Our older cat, Smoke, is particularly adept at this. Her favorite sulky pose is one we refer to as 'Can you tell I'm ignoring you?' She'll sit nearby, but with her back to us, and avoid making eye contact. This lets us know that she's displeased with something, and it's our job to figure out what. Sometimes, if she's not happy with the current food selection, she'll sit down right by the food bowl and glare daggers at us. If she were human, she'd be a teenager. She'd probably spend a lot of time on MySpace, telling her friends how lame we are.

And yet, cats are also like children in another very important way. No matter how crazy they make you, you can't help but love them. Your toddler may have just scribbled on the walls with crayons, and the cat may have done his business on the area rug. You're not a happy camper. Spankings are imminent. But in either case, when they climb into your lap and cuddle up with you, you'll smile and forgive them anything, because you know how adorable they really are. And that's the best similarity of all.