Caught Between Two Cultures. Which One Do You Identify With?

I come from a dual cultural background. I can identify with both. I am British born and raised and both my parents were Greek-Cypriots born and raised. They moved to the UK in the 1960's. To begin with, my parents lived in London, where they were able to live amongst the Greek-Cypriot community, visit shops and banks where Greek was spoken and manage quite nicely in "Little Cyprus", as I later dubbed it. The only difference was the weather! No palm trees swaying in the hot Cyprus sun and complexions were whiter, rather than the more usual olive skin. London quickly became quite an expensive city back then. It is even worse nowadays. So my parents moved up to the county of Suffolk in East Anglia along with my oldest brother, who was two at the time. Suffolk is a beautiful rural retreat with centuries old castles, country manors, forests, rivers and only an hour's drive from the east coast. My second brother and I were born in Suffolk.

As young children, we did not think of ourselves as different to any other children. We just had darker skin and hair and we spoke Greek at home. Didn't all children speak a second or third language? I thought so. We also ate different food to other people. I remember explaining to my babysitter when I was about 7 or 8 years old that we had to use English food to make Greek food. Did she understand? She nodded in agreement. I felt so wise. There were no typical Sunday roasts with Yorkshire puddings (savoury batter baked in the oven) and bangers and mash (sausages and mashed potatoes) on our menus. I noticed a difference when I started school and I had my first taste of British school dinners. I thought the food was appalling. I had never tasted mashed potatoes and fat laden crusty meat pies, which I thought tasted disgusting. I didn't forgive a particularly nasty dinner lady who did not let me leave the dining room until I had polished off my plate on one occasion. She sat at the table beside me and watched me eat. Each mouthful was a real struggle. I was just not used to eating such stodgy food. But as the years passed, I developed more of a taste for it. I even like mashed potatoes now! Food is only a very small part of a culture and it is one I quickly mastered.

Children are often able to pick out other children who are different to them, for the good or the bad. Mostly, they are curious about them and want to get to know them. My friends came from a cross section of our multi-cultural society. Some were Afro-Caribbean, others were Spaniards, Indian and Pakistani, to name but a few. I loved to be around children who also had a second cultural heritage. My Spanish friends and I would try to teach each other Spanish and Greek as we walked to school each day and my Asian friends taught me about their family oriented culture and how they would have arranged marriages some day. I found it all so fascinating to learn about how other cultures functioned and made sense of society. I came to see that one culture is not necessarily better or worse than any another, a notion I still feel passionate about. Things are just conducted differently.

I sometimes wondered how I would identify myself later on in life. Who was I and where did I fit in? I faced this issue when I visited Cyprus for the first time when I was 13 years old. My parents sent me there alone because I was curious about meeting our extended family. I had met a few Uncles, Aunts and Cousins who had come to visit us in the past. But I did not know all of my family. I wanted to fill that void and meet the ret of my family and have the same experiences that my friends enjoyed and took so much for granted . My parents did not prepare me for the massive culture shock that awaited me. For one thing, I had no clue about why siestas were so important. At first I refused to sleep during the day time. I reasoned that I was not a baby who needed a nap! The UK does not usually reach over 100 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer with high humidity, and when it does, it tends to be short lived. I hated the heat that greeted me on the day of arrival. I fainted that same day! I even managed to end up in a local hospital later on during my stay. Even to this day, in summertime people will wonder why I am wilting in the heat because they think I should be able to handle the heat. Why? They say it is because of my olive skin and Mediterranean background! Wrong! If you have never lived in a hot country, you will not be used to the common techniques that are are in place that help local people cope. I have suffered with heat exhaustion more than once in the past and I would prefer not to repeat the experience. If I had been raised in Cyprus I doubt whether that would ever have been an issue.

My relatives had lots of issues they came across that they did not like about me. They did not like my style of clothes, my hair and the way I addressed older ones. A relative thought I was being rude for not referring to certain older people as "Aunt" or "Uncle". I had used the first name and did not know why that was so wrong. I had not been taught otherwise. I saw no reason to call a first Cousin "Aunt", even though she was twenty years older than me. We shared one set of Grandparents, so we were equal as far as I was concerned. I liked to call people by their actual titles and names. It was all so confusing to me. I could see the logic in my reasoning, even if no one else could. As far as my relatives were concerned, I was only Greek-Cypriot. They did not like the fact that I was British too and had British as well as Cypriot ideals. They could not comprehend why I should hold two separate, but intertwined cultural values and they tried to change my thinking and stamp out my British attributes. This made me miserable and I wondered why they could not accept me for who I was. I had never felt like this before and no one had ever made me feel the necessity of choosing which "camp" I belonged in. I would often hear: "This is how we do things over here", as if to say I had been wrong all my life and my parents had been wrong in allowing another culture to take root in my heart. But as I was so young and my parents were not with me, I did not know how to cope effectively. I listened to my temporary guardians as much as I could and I tried to please them. I still called my Cousin by her first name! I would not budge an inch on that. I enjoyed the opportunity my parents gave me to get to know my relatives. A month later I was back home again. I view that first trip to Cyprus as a turning point in my life. I did not take as much for granted about my identity after that, but I tried hard to make sense of who I really was.

For those who are like me and come from more than one cultural background, I would encourage you to embrace both backgrounds. That is what I have done over the years. I accept both and I claim dual citizenship. I am so saddened when I hear of people who come from a second country who are only able to speak English. If the parents are still living, it is really up to them to help keep the culture and language alive. My Australian Cousins met with ridicule and ostracism when they visited Cyprus because they could not speak Greek. I felt sorry for them, but I believe this could have been avoided to a large degree if their parents had taught them Greek as children. When people ask me where I am from I always say I am from the UK. Then I often get the questioning, puzzled look, as if they don't believe me. Where is the blond hair and blue eyes? As if all Brits are pale and look alike! Some are shocked to discover that the British are White, Brown, Mediterranean, Black, Asian and African.Then they sometimes ask again: "Where are you really from?" It is patronizing to do this, so please do not do it to others you may meet. I then respond that I am British Greek-Cypriot. I end up spending another five minutes telling them what a Cypriot is and locating Cyprus on a map in Europe for them. I love to talk about home, both homes actually. I keep up to date on news and world affairs going on in both countries, especially now that I am living in America. Children should be taught that there is nothing wrong or strange about belonging to a second or third cultural background. Fitting in with other children should not be a source of anxiety if it is handled early on in life. Encourage your children to make friends with other children from a variety of backgrounds. They will be educated about other lands, people, food and much more. So embrace who you are, the "whole" you, and do not feel ashamed to stand out as different. Who wants to be a robot anyway?