CEA Laurie David Denies Affair with CEA Al Gore

It's an unseen danger which threatens to topple American civilization. Big name celebrities succumb to its allure. It preys upon men in their 60s, and it's everywhere, lurking, waiting for new victims. Combined with celebrity and a fawning liberal press, it can be deadly. Call it "CEA" -- Celebrity Environmental Activism.

In former Vice-President Al Gore's case, it began harmlessly enough. Gore had two problems. One problem was that he lost his bid for the presidency in the year 2000, causing a frequently misunderstood form of male hysteria. The other, a related and more troubling problem, was that the "Gore" surname rhymed with "bore." One day, however, while wife Tipper Gore was out shopping, a light bulb popped in Al Gore's head.

"I know," thought Al Gore, "I'll make a Power Point Presentation about...about....about global warming."

The idea was typical Gore. It was boring. Until Laurie David saw it, everyone who saw it was soon snoring. But upon witnessing Al Gore's retro Power Point Presentation herself, Laurie David's latent environmental activism boiled up in her breast, igniting her passions like nothing else ever before.

Laurie David whisked Al Gore off to a ballroom she rented in L.A., invited all her celebrity friends, and dazzled Gore with the ultra ne plus ultra decadence of Hollywood. That was in 2004, when most of Hollywood was still chafing at the George Bush victory.

While Tipper Gore shopped for new curtains, a new sexy Al Gore was emerging from "Behind the Green Door" (don't do a Yahoo search if you don't want to know), the film that propelled most of Hollywood hurriedly toward the Green Movement.

Once upon a time, Laurie David was the wife of Seinfeld creator Larry David. At that time, Laurie was only a latent environmental activist. From her home on Martha's Vineyard, Laurie David could see the prospective site of Cape Wind, one of the most ambitious and far-seeing wind energy projects ever considered and blocked by rich and well-connected Celebrity Environmental Activists on Cape Cod, Nantucket Island, and Martha's Vineyard.

But later, when she had her first child, Laurie David noticed that the roads around her trophy Martha's Vineyard mansion were choked with expensive, gas-guzzling SUVs. The thought of her progeny choking slowly on carbon emissions, if only for two or three months of a Martha's Vineyard summer, was just too much. Immediately, she was transformed from media celebrity to environmental celebrity, a transformation that was apparently too abrupt for Larry David, who soon divorced her.

"All those years she said nothing about the environment and suddenly she's sounding like Al Gore," Larry said.

Ironically, it wasn't only Laurie's husband who found the transformation entirely too much. One of Laurie David's Martha's Vineyard neighbors publicly complained of her ongoing six-year building home-building project, and dubbed her Ms. Carbon Sasquatch in a now famous Gawker.com contretemps.

CEA Laurie David was undaunted. There soon bloomed a Laurie David Blog and a Laurie's Blog on the Huffington Post and an infinite number of awards and guest editing and producing and, well, Laurie David became such a Global Warming Dynamo that she ditched husband Larry David for "irreconcilable differences" but let him keep the Prius, nonetheless. Larry David says he drives it only because it has enough leg room, not because it reminds him of his ex-wife.

Pan To: "An Inconvenient Truth," which made boring Al Gore an international superstar and an Oscar winner. For her part in producing the documentary, Laurie David received a "Humanitas Prize Special Award" to add to her many other Tinseltown awards. Best of all, according to Star Magazine, is that Laurie David helped herself to a prize of her own creation-the unrelentingly boring Al Gore!

Unfortunately for the newly sexy Al Gore, one of his early films cast a pall over the inevitable meeting of two people who had become the Supernovas of the Global Warming Movement. That film, with its tightly focused camerawork, was called "The 2000 Democratic Party Convention." In one of the most shared events in political film history, Al and Tipper Gore shared a self-consciously intimate moment of marital infamy-a moment that would forever be remembered as "the kiss." Enough said. The public declared thumbs down.

Cut To: Huffington Post Website where posters are in high dudgeon on the notion that Al Gore left his wife of 40 years because of the libidinous impact of Laurie David's carbon-neutral chimera. The aptly named "Shake-A-Spear" comments that, by comparison, the Clintons are a paragon of marital stability. Obvious nature admirer "henrydavidthoreau" adds dimension with the comment that "Larry David split with wife Laurie back in 2007 amid reports that she was having an affair with the gardener of their home in Martha's Vineyard."

It's likely that Laurie David's intensive "green" interest in plants added to the unfair characterization of her entirely platonic friendship with the gardener (as yet unnamed). Unfairly, the contribution Laurie David made to egalitarian social life on Martha's Vineyard was ignored. No one seemed to care that Laurie had a noble purpose. "Within the highly progressive and excited celebrity green community, all things are possible and within reach," thought Laurie (possibly).

For the moment, I believe Laurie David's staunch denial of an Al Gore tryst which some have termed a "friendship grown into a love affair." In the coming moments, who can say what to believe? John Edwards said there was no baby, and suddenly there was a baby!

I will say that Celebrity Environmental Activism is a potentially dangerous problem which threatens to discredit the sincere efforts of those with responsible environmental concerns. CEA is a high jacked environmental religion which will do little for the polar bears nor prevent Antarctica's ice flows from crashing into the sea. Who knows how many damaged marriages have yet to lie in its wake? While so far, the only environmental cataclysm which has been averted by Laurie David's celebrity environmental teammates like Robert Kennedy, Jr. is the Cape Wind project.

Cape Cod, Vineyard, and Nantucket Celebrity Environmental Activists have plenty to say in their opposition to Cape Wind. The Wampanoag Indians are claiming the underwater Cape Wind location as a historic site, they say. And while the sea ducks aren't nesting there, they may want to...