Celebrating Father's Day when Your Dad is Terminally Ill

Father's Day is supposed to be a joyous occasion. It's an opportunity to express love and appreciation to the man who gave you life, taught you morals, protected you, advised you and provided for you. But when your father has been diagnosed terminal, it becomes a holiday to dread. Your mind is flooded with thoughts that this could be the last opportunity you ever get to share this occasion with your dad, and that thought can seem unbearable.

In these circumstances, you need to put extra effort into preparing for Father's Day. You should prepare yourself as the day approaches because it will be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Try to get as much rest beforehand as possible and focus on ways to make it as pleasant and happy as you can for your father.

The first thing that you have to consider is getting a card and a gift for your dad. As opposed to gift shopping you've done in the past, this can be a very difficult task, so try to get it done well ahead of time. One thing that has not changed is your dad's likes and dislikes. Try to find a gift that he can enjoy now, like books or movies in his favorite genre or about things that he enjoys. You might also consider something that he could use for self expression. If he likes to draw or paint you could get him supplies for that. If he doesn't like to write, you could offer to help him fill up a journal about his life experiences. Not only would that be an opportunity for you to spend some more time together, but he would also know that his life was important and future generations would be able to get to know him from his stories. As far as the card is concerned, I would suggest a humorous card instead of an emotional one. Humor can help raise his spirits and put a positive spin on the day. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and I truly believe that.

Spend some time writing a personal letter to your father. Express your feelings about what he means to you, what you have learned from him and the positive differences he has made in your life. Let him know why the world is a better place because he's in it. Give yourself time to express everything you want to tell him and put the letter in a sealed envelope. Save it for the end of the day to give it to him before you leave so he can read it in private.

If you have siblings, you may all want to spend one-on-one time with your dad. If this is the case, consider splitting up the week so you can each spend time with him, culminating with everyone getting together for Father's Day. Tell him that Father's Day wasn't long enough for such a cool dad, so you're declaring Daddy's Week. Depending on his condition (and how many siblings you have), he may not be able to handle so much activity. If not, spread it out longer so he can rest in between visits.

When Father's Day arrives everything should revolve around him. If he is physically able, try to plan an activity that he will enjoy (my dad loved to golf). If not, at least try for a change of venue. If he is up to it, a change of surroundings may help him forget his condition for a little while and make the day as pleasant and positive as possible. If his energy level allows, give everyone the chance to talk with him a little, but try to keep the noise level down if there are younger children present. Another thing that he may enjoy is if there is a group "performance" for him of a skit or some songs. Record the day with photos or video and make sure he gets a copy of it so he can enjoy it whenever he likes.