Celebrating Mother's Day Without Mom

This Mother's Day will be the 18^th year I have spent without my own mother. She passed away less than a month before Mother's Day in the year 2000. She had been ill for almost two years, and I didn't cry when she died, or at her funeral, but on that first Mother's Day without her. On that day, it sunk in that this person I loved and depended on was gone forever.

Or was she? She still lives in family memories, in the thoughts of her friends and coworkers, in the values she had instilled in her children, and in the lovely flower gardens that she had so carefully tended.

She loved her gladiolus and irises. Each fall she would dig the bulbs out of the soil and carefully wrap them in paper, to be stored until the following spring when they would be replanted. It seemed like a lot of effort to me, but each year her flower garden was more glorious than the year before. She put the same hard work into caring for her family, instilling in her children a sense of justice and fair play, compassion, and strong moral values so that we blossomed also.

This Mother's Day, celebrate the memories of your own departed mother in ways that bring happiness and joy to others. Don't forget that other family members and friends are missing her, too! Whether this is your first Mother's Day without your mother, or she has been gone many years, you can celebrate her life by gathering together all those who loved her. We can't give her gifts, but we can honor her by remembering the life she led, the things she loved, and the lessons about life that she taught us. Each year, when my own flowers come up (not nearly as beautifully as hers!) I think of her fondly

Hold a Mother's Day party in her honor by preparing all her favorite dishes; it doesn't matter if the recipes don't make a well-balanced meal! This feast is not for feeding the body, but for feeding the soul and celebrating memories. Invite family and her close friends, and spend the day in memory of Mom.

Those who don't cook may wish to bring her favorite flowers to decorate the table, or a bottle of her favorite wine. Turn the grandchildren loose with streamers and balloons in her favorite colors. If you have a portrait of her, add it to the decorations. Get out the family albums so you can all enjoy reliving old memories together, show the old home movies, or play a slide show of pictures featuring your mom.

Share anecdotes about your mother's life at your Mother's Day party. Too often, we avoid speaking of those loved ones who have passed away, fearful that we will unearth sad feelings. It doesn't have to be that way. Sharing fond memories and stories of the life we shared with her can be a healing process that binds the family together.

My mother passed away when her oldest grandchild was only eight years old. Your own children will enjoy sharing pictures and stories of the grandmother they may have never known or have little memory of. Sharing anecdotes to pass on to the next generation will give your children a feeling of family history and continuity, and may be one of the best ways to honor our mothers and grandmothers who have gone on before us.