Celebrating Valentine's Day for Single People (revisited)

One thing that stood out most about my 2006 list for Singles Celebrating Valentine's Day alone was the horrible sentence structure and typos. Other than that I thought, "Wow. I'm pretty darn insightful and secure with my singleness."

Actually, I really am secure and love me some me. But I'm starting to realize not all of my single friends are celebrating that good sense of self on the same level. Actually, some are in manic states due to not having a mate. It seems equal amongst men and women.

Well, I want to revisit some things from my last list and hopefully spark the flame of joy I feel through these internet lines. Because people, it's getting beyond goofy what some of us (especially those of us over 40) are doing for the pursuit of happiness!

My 2006 list included:

• Getting over yourself and the "alone" thing
• Making an appointment at a day spa
• Getting videos
• Turning off the phones
• Getting your favorite meal/flowers/candy
• Pampering you!
• Enjoying your evening
• Enjoying something special with the kids (if you're a single parent)

These things are all doable. But, unfortunately, too many people I know (mainly women) are going nuts with the thought of being alone (any day, let alone VDay) and are really complicating their lives.

I was speaking with a friend last week and she knows a lady who just got married for the EIGHTH time. This woman apparently meets men on the internet, talks with them on the phone for a period of time, then has a physical meeting before expediting a marriage.

My minor in college was psychology. And though I can't claim to be an expert, I don't think I need a full Ph.D to know that this behavior is something on a clinical level.

Codependency is being recognized in the mental health field as something to seriously be concerned with. Mainly due to a codependents tendency to enter into a depressed state. The inability to be alone or needing to be needed on an exceptional level has prompted support groups for people exhibiting these traits.

Co-Dependents Anonymous offers many resources to help people who have a desperate need to be surrounded by others. Much like Alcoholics Anonymous, they have meetings, a preamble and 12-steps.

How sad to be trapped in a mindset that doesn't allow you to enjoy time with the one person you have to be with until you take your last breath. Friends, family, mates and associates enhance my life. But I am thankful I don't know the panic known to those who can't seem to understand that concept.

Years ago I associated with a woman who went on a mad search for a husband. She mainly met men in clubs, slept with them within the first twelve hours of knowing them and then immediately started talking about the wedding plans. Needless to say, brotha's were leaving skid marks trying to get away from her.

Yes, she got married. To my knowledge it is going rather well. But I think by him being restricted due to the terms of his probation made training him to her liking kinda easy.

Movies like Love Stinks, Play Misty for Me and Fatal Attraction seem to give a glimpse into the minds of people who can't seem to make all of the puzzle pieces fit. Whether manic, bi-polar or codependent, the situation is very real for them. And it's not just women

Within the past year I have met several men, all in their forties, all with grown children who stated rather loudly that they didn't want to have any more children and definitely didn't want to marry again. Well, these men not only married again, they married women in their twenties and immediately became new parents. "I told her I didn't want to have any more kids. But I had to do the right thing by my kid, so I married her" was the creed of one of these guys. This particular man also still dates the woman he supposedly "truly" loved. She didn't get pregnant and understands him so they'll be together until . . . I guess the kids (his wife and baby) grow up and he can escape again.

Nope, I do not have a solution. Telling someone to get over it is really passé. I have not lived their lives or experienced the world with their fears. And of course those of us who have friends who act out on this level, we love them (normally at a distance) and pray endlessly for them.

There's nothing wrong with having a desire to share your life with someone. But when that desire turns to obsession it becomes scary.

I would prefer to be alone than to be an afterthought, excuse or experiment to someone with impulse control issues. Know that you can love yourself and to settle is not a sensible compromise.

For those of us who are just looking for a neat way to celebrate Valentine's Day 2008, here's my list:

1. Come to the realization that if you don't become best friends with the person you HAVE TO be with . . . see naked . . . die with . . . that you are setting yourself up for a life of misery.
   • Celebrate you DAILY. That way when this economical burst of pseudo-love explodes each year (February 14^th) you'll be too busy loving you to care that someone else hasn't discovered the walking diamond that you are! Plus, you won't have to share the chocolate.
2. Rent Love Stinks, Play Misty for Me.and Fatal Attraction. This can be your guide on how NOT to pursue a mate. Oh, and if you like foreign films, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (À La Folie... Pas Du Tout) is a psycho-romantic thriller that is FANTASTIC!!! You will never see it coming.
3. Go to Vegas with some friends who really know how to appreciate a buffet. Eat, drink, be merry and realize that life is not about the PURSUIT of happiness. It's the truth in knowing you really are happy and able to embrace life . . . one day at a time.
4. Do something totally out of character for you to get out of your comfort zone. Go to a Starbucks. I know you're saying, "Who hasn't gone to a Starbucks?!!! They're on every fricken corner in every city on the planet!" Well, that would be every man who has asked me out in the past two years (that's a really short list, but still . . .). "I don't drink coffee" is always the response to "Let's meet at Starbucks."
   • Fella's, for the love of all that is holy THEY HAVE MORE THAN JUST COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Buy small boxes of sugar-free chocolates and take them to facilities where people have stressful jobs or those who can't get around like they once did (cared facilities, 911 operators who hear panic stricken people daily, fire departments . . .)
6. Write thank you notes to everyone who ever dumped you. Seriously, when you think back over those moments in life, aren't you glad God knows you better than you know yourself and removed that speed bump out of your way. You can mail them, hand deliver them or put them in a bottle and release them to the sea. Regardless, LET IT ALL GO!
7. Submit a new ice cream flavor to Ben and Jerry's, Dreyer's or something to the people at the Jelly Belly factory. They're always taking submissions.
8. Be thankful you woke up this morning (alone or otherwise) someone else didn't!
9. Have a Chocolate Explosion martini party for you and other singles.
   • Get real martini glasses, chocolate sugar for the glass rim, chocolate shavings and chocolate covered cherries for garnish
   • Serve with a sexy themed meal (Greek comes to mind - Spanakopita appetizers, mini gyro's and a small Greek salad)
   • Play only upbeat music that will make you want to dance. Even if you have no rhythm at all, the martini will make you look like you were a background dancer in Janet Jackson's last video.
10. Buy the love of your life (that can be you) a new MP3 player and download music that says things you would want that person to continue associating with you, even after you pass.
11. Take a pole dancing class. This is a lot more fun that pushups and another great way to get you out of that comfort zone. The class I attended actually had a male instructor. So guys . . . I know, I know. I'm asking too much. Well . . . it would be a great way to meet women.
12. Make your parents your Valentine's. Write mom and dad (if you're blessed to have them in your life) and thank them for the memories. You can appreciate this more if you have children of your own. Doubly so it they're teenagers!
13. For my single parents, have a day at the museum with your bundle of joy. This will be a great learning experience, bonding time and a way to engage your childs creative side. Or how about a train ride. Many small cities have excursions and they aren't that expensive.
14. Lastly, read 1 John 4:16 and realize there is no chocolate, flower, song or poem more powerful than understanding this.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!