'Celebrity Apprentice' Episode 1 Recap

I'm sorry, but I am in love with this season's Celebrity Apprentice. It's just so deliciously crazy that I am totally in. I was in at "Busey" but when you make him the Pepperoni Prophet?

Oh hell yes.

So last night we were reunited with the Trumpster and his kids Smug Jr. and Nepotism, along with our gaggle of semi famous people looking for their new 15 minutes, and maybe raising a little money for charity along the away.

Right off the bat, Trumpster said it would be boys vs. girls, and they were to go back to Trump Castle and figure out a name for their team and a project leader. The girls came up with the acronym ASAP which was supposed to stand for Actors, Singers and Professionals with a Purpose (Which would really be ASAPWAP, right?)...but poor, poor LaToya Jackson, creator of the name, mind you... couldn't get it right.

"Actors, Singers, Ants and Puppies... oh wait no...Actors Standing And Peeing,,,no that's not it, Actors Stagehands and Puppets...oh whatever. ASAP. We're ASAP."

Poor Latoya.

The girls also deferred to Star "I'm a Lawyer" Jones to be the first Project Leader. Which, I mean duh. They certainly weren't going to give the job to LaToya or Dionne Warwick.

The guys were a mess from the beginning. They chose the name "Backbone" for their team and that just sounds amateur. It's supposed to by a synonym for "strength" or something, but I'm sure they could have come up with something a lot better than that. Like oh..."Steel".

For their project leader they picked Richard "Naked Tax Evasion" Hatch, and he sucks. No really, he's horrible. Almost instantly Jose Canseco and David Cassidy are kicking rocks because he's a big meanie that hung David out the window by his underwear and gave him the super atomic power wedgie.

So Trumpster announces that they will be making pizza for this first challenge. Whoever raises the most money wins. Easy enough. Who doesn't like a little pizza made by a bunch of D-listers? I know I do. Scott Baio works at the Dominos up the street and it makes me happy...

The teams all divvy out their roles. Nikki Taylor is handy in the kitchen, and poor Dionne Warwick gets stuck at the register... something tells me Dionne hasn't been on the business end of anything electronic. Ever.

Lisa Rinna was acting like she was above it all and obviously better at everything because she has a little store that sells sweaters in Calabasas or something. But when it came time to sell pizzas, the girls sold some pizzas. Some lawyer dude dropped $40k on pizza for them, so at that point, I knew the girls had it on lock.

Over on the guys' side, it was a mess. Sugar Ray was working it, but Canseco and Cassidy were whining and weeping into their pizza dough because Richard Hatch was being a big meanie still, flicking Cassidy off his arm like some kind of flea. Jose's all, "Well I can't call any of my baseball buddies because I narced on all of them, so I'll just sit here and chop some peppers."

Lil' Jon did his "YEAH!" thing holding a sign, and Busey was the Pepperoni Prophet, basically scaring people so badly they felt safer running into the pizza parlor. How many of you DIED when they were all, "Gary, don't throw the pepperoni AT people, ok?"

The hot Australian chef dude that was on the show before, came by to taste all the pizzas, and declared Nikki Taylor's the best, so that was nice.

No shock, the women won the challenge...they actually blew the guys out of the water, even though they missed the delivery to the fire station. So it was time to take the men out back at flog them Trump style.

Pretty much everyone piled on Hatch, and rightfully so. He wasn't a manager, he was a bully, but he's pretty slick and slimy, and you kind of knew he was going to stay even though it was very clear he should go. He's a ratings goldmine, people. It really wasn't much of a shock that he brought Canseco and Cassidy in with him.

I have to say, I was very shocked at how good of a guy Jose was when defending David Cassidy. Sure, Cassidy was a bit of a useless whiny flea, but Hatch knew that and used that, and it was admirable to see Canseco not just get up and squish his head like a watermelon.

In the end...we knew it was going to happen. Old man Partridge had to get back on the bus and head off to the place where old teen idols go off in the sunset. Poor David. Did he deserve to go? Not really, but you have to play the game if you're going to stay.

What did you think of the whole thing? I really like this group of people, and think it's going to give us really good entertainment in the weeks to come. John Rich is like my new favorite person in the world, and before last night, he was just a random country dude.

Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/reality-zen-with-jenn/2011/03/celebrity-apprentice-premiere-recap-back-on-the-bus-partridge.html#ixzz1FvwOJlLQ