'Celebrity Apprentice' Recap

Before we get started, I would like to just say that these people are a gaggle of dumbasses. It's a miracle that they even remember to put on pants in the morning. Seriously! I simply couldn't believe some of the things happening on the show last night! I honestly thought Ivanka was going to backhand LaToya into next Thursday.

So last night Teams Hambone and ASAP were given the challenge of coming up with something creative to push Australian Gold, some kind of suntan lotion, on people. I personally have never even heard of this brand, apparently Target doesn't carry it, so it's not intended for use by peasants.

But teenage boys love it! Boy do they! And it makes Capt. Inappropriate of the SS Busey, the virtual circus of fun himself, the one they call Gary feel 'sexual'. What, the hell? Is it the lotion that makes you feel sexual, or the teenage boys liking the lotion?

And of course that big ol' drama queen duo of Meatloaf and this episode's Project Manager, Mark McGrath, get all whipped up into a frenzy about how awful Gary is. Sure Gary's awful. Sure he looks like he perpetually smells like Icy Hot with a hint of onion breath... he makes good TV. He ain't going anywhere...deal with it ya pansies.

Over on the girls team, it's pretty clear that like Busey, LaToya is getting the set up of fail too. She's been chosen as the Project Manager, and it was pretty hysterical to see Marlee and Star practically lick their chops at the prospect of impending doom and watching LaToya go down in a ball of flames. Which, sure...LaToya has a 50/50 chance of finding her way out of a paper bag, but she's relatively harmless and can't help it.

The concepts are hashed out, and Mark comes up with something that has nothing to do with Tanning...Pirates. I think he wants to be a pirate, so that's his concept. Dress up like pirates, have some scantily clad pirate wenches... sell lotion.

Except, as Gary so wisely pointed out, Pirates aren't known for their skincare. They're known for leathery tans, wooden legs, and black beards. But hey, in Sugar Ray's defense, the execs said to be different, so I guess this is different.

Once again, over on the women's side, they went with something trite, and that's...wait for it... Going to the beach. Yes. I would have never guessed that as an ad campaign for a suntan lotion company. Well done, girls!

However, LaToya does something few can ever accomplish. She manages to be both uncreative and abstract at the same time! Here her concept is tired and done to death, but at the same time there isn't really a concept at all. She answers every question with, "just make it fun." Dimensions for the banners? "Just make it fun." We only have a $3500 budget for printing, what you want is $7500... "Just make it fun."

I imagine when LaToya closes her eyes it's like a kaleidescope of clowns and merry go rounds.

And since this is a beach motif, we have the requisite need for a hot babe in a bikini, and looky loo! Team Asap just happens to have someone willing to take off her clothes! 'Playmate of the Year' Hope Dwhateverthehell. I haven't a clue who this girl is, as I am not shockingly a regular reader of Playboy, but you know who is? TEENAGE BOYS! The ones that love the hell out of this stuff and make Busey sexual! THEY will know who Hope is! It's genius, LaToya! Genius!

Wait a minute...what? You want to hire a model? Hope's just going to spend the rest of the episode with her clothes on, staring vacantly into space? Like every week? Dummy. Smooth move, LaToya. Just because your Playboy spread (shudder) in the 80's got you disowned by your family, you don't have to take it out on poor Hope.

So Nepotism and Ivankatabitch visit the teams, and it's so full of fail, I about died laughing. But I guess, working for Daddy beats having a real job...

And it looks like all 6,000lbs of sand paid off,because team ASAP won the challenge. Mark McGrath never read the chapter in the Celebrity Apprentice Handbook entitled Trump Hates It When You Do The Noble Thing, and since he took responsibility...Adios Mark.

That's all very boring, so let's get to the exciting part of this episode, and I'm not talking NeNe in a Koala costume...NeNe completely losing her shit on LaToya.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there was no reason for NeNe to gut LaToya like that. Beyond the "Casper The Ghost" accusation which had all of us going, "What? What did she just say? Isn't that a little racist?" Oh wait, she was referring to the whole 'phantom' way LaToya appears and disappears. Got it.

And I'm sure LaToya is a mess and annoying as hell, but some of the things NeNe said were downright cruel and just so wrong. It's not even like she remotely deserved any of that venom that Moose spewed. Just plain mean for the sake of putting her in her place and being Alpha female. Grrr...I officially just put myself on Team Star, I might regret this choice later, but I seriously can't stand NeNe...

SO. That's that. Busey lives for another week, and I'm thinking we have one more week before the teams get mixed up. Still waiting for Jones v. Leakes in the Thunderdome...

Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/reality-zen-with-jenn/2011/04/celebrity-apprentice-recap-gunnin-for-gary.html#ixzz1JFF8tPrv