Cell Phone Self Portrait

The self-portrait is either the most flattering or most critical type of picture we ever used to draw as children. We either had no self-confidence and felt we had to portray ourselves humbly or we were too boastful and had no idea of the real truth. In recent days there has been another type of self-portrait which has invaded the world and threatens our very existence.

I'm talking of course about the cell phone self portrait. This is an event which threatens to corrode the already fragile existence of human decency; an event which threatens all of our lives.

First of all, it should be made clear, the cell phone self portrait is neither endearing nor flattering. Cell phone self portraits don't even show you in an arrogant, boastful light. The cell phone self portrait is not sweet, not funny and it does not make you look cute.

The cell phone self portrait also doesn't help our species advanced from this veil of solitude and shut-in which the personal computer and its cousin the laptop began; an age which has now been totally monopolized by the iPod; an age we should have all seen coming since the popularization of the cellular telephone. People walk around all over the place bumping into each other talking on their cell phones; as if nothing outside of the conversation on their ear matters when they're out in the public square.

And that's a problem. Not only for innocent passer's by, but also for our species.

We used to be able to ask a stranger to take our picture. We used to be able to trust people enough to hand off our cameras for 30 seconds so we could pose. That time is no more as the curious infiltration of the cell phone camera has caused a real dent in our suspicion and the public consciousness. Like dominos falling the reciprocal damage is far greater than any of us ever imagined. In the same way that no one ever asks anymore for a stranger to take a picture, a stranger now appears even more alarmed when they are asked to take a picture. So the problem is twofold; not only do we not communicate well anymore, but the once open and inviting ears have now fallen deaf to our requests.

Strictly from a photography standpoint though, there are a number of things that are wrong about the cell phone self portrait. One, obviously, is that there is no one on the other side taking a picture to correctly center you. So photography has gone from an art form which used to depend on so many things like light, color, depth, and framing, and has now been sunken to the level of self-aggrandizement with these cheap digital instruments which can take pictures in any light, anywhere anyone wants to be.

Another problem with the cell phone self portrait is the lean. People in cell phone self portraits seem not to have any regard for posture. Anytime anyone holds their arm out to take a picture, the natural tendency appears to be to drop your opposite arm shoulder and lean backwards or to the side for some unknown reason. It's a very curious pose to begin with; I mean, how often do we contort ourselves in that manner unless we are in or taking a cell phone self portrait?

But more than anything I guess my problem with the cell phone self portrait is the finished product. Nowhere is it more obvious how the photograph is being taken than in the cell phone self portrait. The lens is way too close to your face, even if you widen your aperture to the widest point, you still look quite silly.

As the quality of portrait photography has hit an all-time low in 21st-century life, I can only hope that one day very soon we will all, in unison, realize how silly we all were and after a chuckle, approach a friendly looking stranger and ask them to take a shot for us while we pose.

One can only hope we remember how.