Cell Phones Harm Communication, Society and Good Manners

Communication is important to sustaining the relationships we have to other people. We have used many methods and to help us communicate information to one another, including smoke signals, pictures, and early language. The methods and tools we use to communicate today have certainly changed with the times and with the technological advances over the decades. But cell phones, which began as a convenience for our ability to communicate across the miles instantly, have become an obsession in today's society.

Is It an Obsession?

Amy Vanderbilt originally wrote in "The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette" that the "...knowledge of the rules of living in our society makes us more comfortable..." Social customs certainly must be modified a bit with the advent of new technologies. Yet, it seems that good manners and common sense, especially where cell phones are concerned, have been thrown out with the old dial phones.

Today people seem to have an obsession with their cell phones. Cell phones go everywhere they go-to dinner, to school, to work, to sleep, and even to the toilet. You cannot seem to get away from everyone else talking on their cell phones at restaurants, on the bus, or sitting in the stalls in a public toilet. The cell phone seems to draw its users into a world all of their own, where nothing else or no one else exists.

Can It Harm Friendships?

You have called and invited your best friend to go out to dinner with you, so that you can catch up on the past couple of weeks you have not seen one another. You get to the restaurant and almost immediately your cell phone rings and you "have" to answer it-it's the current man in your life. You spend the next 10 minutes talking to him instead of catching up with your friend. You hang up and apologize, then start to figure out where you left off. You order your meal.

The phone rings again. This time it's your adult child telling you they need you to baby-sit for the kids, while they go out with a friend. The food comes and you check your text messages. The boyfriend wants to know if you are still at dinner. You text him back. You scarf your food down to make sure you get home for your babysitting duties on time.

You apologize for all the interruptions. You give a quick hug and tell your friend, "Let's do this again sometime when we're not so busy" and drive away, phone to your ear.

Or...You call to talk to your friend. Within 30 seconds of the call, you say, "Can you hold on a minute? I have to take this call. It's (him)." You put your friend on hold. A minute later you come back apologizing. You do this several times with various calls that come in. Each time you apologize. Then a call comes in and you abruptly say, "I have to go and take this call." You don't even say, "Goodbye."

In each of these two examples, you have communicated to other person by your behavior that your phone, and the person calling, is more important to you than the friendship you have with that person. You have chosen to allow all else to hold more value. It is almost a guarantee that this friendship will not last, other than perhaps superficially.

Do You Have a Right to Privacy?

You are on the bus, or at the airport, or in any other number of public places. Several people are on cell phones talking-some are talking business, others are talking about medical issues, and some share personal information. As well, the volume of your voice goes up a notch or two to accommodate for the other noises.

Any information shared has now become available to anyone else who might have been in earshot of your phone call. Others now may know your address, information about your family or financial records, or important medical information that is otherwise protected under HIPAA laws.

Really now...do you want everyone on the bus or in the restaurant knowing about your hemorrhoid operation?

Is it an Annoyance to Others?

Sometimes others want a bit of peace and quiet, and a chance to get away from the phones from the office, so they can wind-down from the hustle and bustle of today's world. Cell phones have made that nearly impossible.

Not only do cell phones ring, but it seems that everyone has seen fit to download their favorite artist's songs as ring tones. With everyone's different tastes in music playing at once, in addition to the others already talking at the top of their voices, peace and quiet flies out the window, and cacophony ensues.

There are a few people out there who do not live to hear their phone ring, or who are not tethered to the phone awaiting the buzz that a text message has arrived. It is not convenient or necessary to have the phone on for 24 hours a day. It is annoying to have the phone ringing incessantly, especially when it is someone else's phone and it rings in church, a play, or at a meeting.

What about Text Messaging?

Though some may argue that text messaging allows for a bit more silence when it comes to interruptive behavior, text messaging can be just as disruptive as a phone call. People who are insistent on messaging all the time do not pay any more attention to what they are doing outside of the cell phone.

Some people have chosen to limit the numbers of text messages they can receive, not wanting to pay for a feature they will not use. When you insist on sending messages, your doing so costs the recipient-some are as costly as 40 cents a text message, incoming or outgoing.

Even if there is a 100-text message feature on the phone, the limit is quickly used and your friend will be charged. This is also true when you decide to text message a one-word greeting, or response. Think twice before you burden your friend with a cell phone bill beyond what they have budgeted.

And budgeting not only includes money, but time. Text messaging may be a waste of time for others who have better things to do than get into a repartee of thumb-typing with you.

Have We Forgotten How to Communicate?

Recently, I had a situation where a family member text messaged me while I was in the shower getting ready to go to the theatre. She was in the living room. When I left my home, and arrived at my destination, I noticed that a message was in the queue on my phone, asking me if the offer was still on for her to attend the play with me. Why didn't she just talk to me, face-to-face?

Let's Not Forget the Safety Issues

It was reported that "Cell phone distraction causes 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries in the United States every year (2005)" and that those who are using cell phones are even more incapable of operating a vehicle than if they were past the legal drinking limits, according to www.accidentinfo.com.

Your indiscriminate cell phone usage-talking or texting-can put others, as well as yourself and your passengers, in grave danger due to the distraction. Think about what grief you can cause by being so obsessed with your cell phone, and whether or not you are willing to live with whatever the consequences might be.

A Final Thought

Though the days of cell phone usage have certainly allowed us to stay in touch with people more readily, many have forgotten common sense manners, no longer seem to care about others' safety, and the ability to communicate has become shackled to a cell phone. Yet, remember that technology is merely a method or tool-one that can make life quicker, and easier, in some cases.

Even when we used smoke as a cutting-edge communication method, we paid more attention to what was happening around us, than what others seem to be doing today with the cell phone.