Centigrade 451: Chertoff Targets Discontent

Tim Hollis
Every bit as depraved, deranged and demented as he looks, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has enlisted firefighters and emergency responders as his eyes and ears in the fight against discontent in America. Not satisfied with demanding warning labels for satire, the Screaming Skull vowed to stamp out not only discontent, but metaphor, double entendre, innuendo, facetiousness, puns, sarcasm and anything smacking of witty repartee.

Firefighters and emergency personnel are being grilled in the investigative arts of detecting subtle signs of subversive activity such as the possession of worthwhile books, posters proposing world peace, suspiciously intellectual phrenology and telltale signs of terrorist sympathies inferred from micro facial expressions. Don't let a careless impulse to laugh betray your evil seditious secrets.

That dust covered Cat Stevens album in the attic? You can count on just something like that to net a lengthy stay in Guantanamo or an overnight rendition to Syria. So, hop around like hell, today, scrubbing your environs of anything that could be deemed as seeding dissent by postal workers, librarians, delivery drivers, neighbors, friends or family (including, I shudder to say, in-laws). Thought you'd enjoy a morning cup o' joe while perusing the Buzzflash headlines? Huh. Just remember, if there's a fire, you're fucked.

Unlike Chertoff I'm concerned about not disrupting vital services or I'd suggest a date and time for those millions of us yearning for a functional society to turn ourselves in.

See also:

Robert Weitzel: The Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act: A Tutorial in Orwellian Newspeak

http://www.afterdowningstreet.org/?q=node/29063

Published by Tim Hollis

To Iniquity, and Beyond: News from a lunatic-infested dirt clod. News satirist, author and artist. Frequent contributor to Buzzflash, Progressive Daily Beacon and many others. Author of Mystic Gypsy Maveric...  View profile

1 Comments

Post a Comment
  • Steven West1/6/2008

    Chertoff represents another disastrous voice in the Bush Administration. The Constitution of the United States has been soiled and misused by President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, and a host of other neo conservative executives in our government.

To comment, please sign in to your Yahoo! account, or sign up for a new account.