CEO Moron Compliments Thief as the Best Manager

CEO Mr. Moron received an invitation for giving a talk at a management convention. The topic was 'The best manager'. Moron knew that management was the art of attaining definite objectives often with inadequate resources. He prepared a speech and addressed the audience as follows:
" Ladies and Gentlemen: Today I have been given the privilege of addressing you on a management subject. I have chosen the topic because of its relevance today. Every executive has the ambition of being rated as the best manager. But I have decided to introduce an innovative approach to the topic by making an unconventional comparison. What I am going to say is well within your experience. The best manager is one who makes the best use of available resources ensuring maximum gain and productivity. However, I would go a step forward. A successful manager is one who makes the best use of others' resources for one's own benefit. I always cite the case of a thief as a successful manager. He fits in with this definition most. As you are aware a thief does not use any of his own resources. He steals and commands other's resources like crow bar, pistol or knife and uses it to achieve his objectives.
I always advocate this principle of management. In a scarce economy like ours, we have to conserve our resources. That is what the thief does. He does this remarkably well by a fine blend of various traits required for accomplishing the task.'
'Whether you like it or not, I must admit I have learnt a lot from thieves. They teach us the fundamentals of management. In fact some of the management gurus must go to thieves and learn at their feet. I strictly apply this principle of conservation of resources in my personal, official and social life. I set definite objectives in terms of resources and results. I never use mine, which I conserve for posterity. In the office I have the best of furniture, wall-to-wall carpet, computers, stationery, telecommunication system etc. I set objectives in these areas and entrust the task to trusted staff loyal to me because I look after them very well. I meet all their personal needs, not at my cost but at the cost of those who can afford it. I do not make any bones about it. I enjoy lot of goodwill. I cash on it before the contacts melt away. People queue before my office and residence for offering their services. .'
' I do not have sentiments. I just tell them what I want and they get it done. These persons are the product of hard work, experience and disciplined ways of living. They get Spartan training to manage things efficiently without pinching their valet. They find the resources and the end justified the means. I never ask any questions. I leave the method of doing to them .In fact, that is delegation as preached by modern management. This prompts them to catch hold of others to part with their resources for my benefit. Of course, they also will make use of this opportunituy to acquire things for their personal use. However, I do not mind. After all, we are living in a society and we have to be ready for adjustments. This enrichment by staff at the cost of others is nothing objectionable since there is no loss of resources in totality.
My attitude towards subrodinates keeps them happy and loyal. However, one thing I am careful. Whatever be their effort and contribution, in the media only my name figures. Publicity is my right. I cannot part with it. Others are not allowed any mention about their contribution. After all, who are they? They owe their existence to me. How can they expect anything more? However, success elevates man to the stature of a hero. Failure brands him as useless. This policy has benefited me a lot. I can't give it up. This in short is my view on' the best manager'. I strongly appeal to all of you to follow this maxim in your day-to-day life, which alone can conserve our resources. Incidentally we will be making the best use of thieves by giving them ample encouragement to continue in their profession and accord recognition to their activity otherwise considered ignoble With these words I close my speech.'