Certified Celebrant: Individuals Providing Secular or Mixed-Faith Ceremonies

Many couples enjoy the idea of an old-fashioned wedding with a minister from their faith tradition and vows that are similar to the ones their grandparents said many decades ago. However, some couples may not feel comfortable with a minister but may also find a quickie wedding with a judge an inadequate alternative. Those with different faith backgrounds or no religious affiliation and couples who want a highly customized wedding experience are beginning to turn to "Celebrants."

The idea of a secular "Celebrant" caught hold first in Australia in the 1960s and 70s. These are officials who can perform legal wedding ceremonies and can do extra-legal ceremonies such as funerals and baby-namings. The idea came to the United States somewhat later. The largest organization training Celebrants in the U.S. is the Celebrant Foundation and Institute.

Nick Meima, a recently-certified Celebrant living in Ann Arbor, Mich., says he was moved to explore the idea of becoming a Celebrant because he had spent too many hours of his life attending uninspiring wedding ceremonies.

"I went to some lousy weddings and funerals," he said. "I left feeling sad, resentful, angry and depressed. I spent four or five hours of my time and fulfilled a social obligation, but it was not very satisfying."

In a recent interview, he answered some questions about what Celebrants do and why someone might choose to have a Celebrant conduct a ceremony.

Question: How and why did you become interested in becoming a Celebrant?

Answer: Partly because people and their families have no way of knowing there are other ways to do it. They're trapped in old paradigms. Partly because I have the experience of living in co-housing, I know that there can be an experience of what I like to call "Us-ness." The opportunity for "us-ness" seems to be critically lacking in most weddings and funerals. They tend to make people feel isolated instead of inter-related. What resonates for me is knowing people in more depth and giving support to the new bride and groom.

In other social groups, there's more importance placed on family, extended family and networks, and creating a new social network for the bride and groom from the meeting of the two families. Today, as marriages are traditionally done, it's a formal recognition that this couple is committing by getting married, but they're missing the possibility for a new social structure to be achieved.

It's distressing to me that people will pay three or four times for their DJ or their wedding cake what they pay the person doing the ceremony. It's not that the music isn't worth it, but it does reflect what we value. We value a few hours of music more than what happened at the ceremony. The ceremony is treated mostly as a formality instead of a critical rite of passage. I believe it can be richer, more meaningful.

Q: What is Celebrant training like?

A: I took classes through the Celebrant Foundation. We learned about the theory, historical and cultural roots and experiential aspects of marriage and other ceremonies. It takes about eight to 16 months, depending on how deeply involved you want to get. You can get trained just to do weddings, or just funerals. I opted to do a more inclusive program. They have a library, local chapters and a network of other Celebrants to consult with. And if I get sick and can't do a ceremony, I could contact another Celebrant to fill in for me.

Q: What about the legalities?

A: The Celebrant still has to navigate the legality. (In the U.S.) you also need to be a minister, judge or mayor, so I also became a minister. You don't need to be a minister for funerals though. Legality is really irrelevant for all the other ceremonies besides marriages.

Q: What kind of couples are likely to seek out a Celebrant?

A: Really strongly religious people would not go to a Celebrant. They'd go to the clergy within their tradition. But for many couples, maybe one or both don't have a faith tradition. Or maybe they have a mixed-faith relationship, with one Catholic and one Jewish. I can weave in aspects from various traditions.

Q: Tell me what happens during a consultation with a Celebrant.

A: The analogy of building a new home applies here. A good architect will ask questions that will clarify the purpose and use of the spaces in the house. The final design will often be beyond the initial imagination of the clients. This can be the case with weddings, too. I can create a simple, totally private ceremony or an elaborate ceremony with hundreds of guests. A ceremony (and the reception as well) can be created such that a sense of "us-ness" -- a real sense of connection, relatedness, of camaraderie -- will be there.

The process of creating the final design typically takes several "drafts." The final approval always rests with the clients. The ceremony is tailored to meet their vision and needs. The Celebrant will take into account community, family culture and more in a collaborative and empowering process, and the final design will reflect an effective and creative use of symbols, music, literature, personal stories, ritual and the energy and wisdom of those most important to the couple. In the end it is about choosing the way that will most satisfy the client in making and marking one of the most meaningful of life's transitions.

I married one couple, and they asked me to help them write their own vows. They were particularly personal vows, ultimately in their own words. Their vows were powerful. Everyone who heard them at the ceremony had the feeling, "This really matters."

Q: Isn't there power, though, in saying old, traditional vows that hundreds before you have said, too?

A: Yes, but it's a different journey to get there with a Celebrant and a customized ceremony. If they decide to go with the same vows their grandparents said, they're choosing those old traditional vows with intention, not just because they don't know there are other options.

For more information on Meima's Celebrant services, visit his Wedding For You website.