Change: Like it or Not

Sometimes in life we choose change and sometimes it's thrust upon us. However and whenever it comes, embrace it. It's time.

A year ago my husband's work relocated him from Boise, Idaho to Corvallis, Oregon. We prepared our home to go on the market. Cleaning out rooms, cabinets, and closets resulting in approximately four truck loads of items donated to charity and another two that had to be either recycled or trashed. These were things we never, or at least rarely, used. But getting rid of them meant letting go of things we'd grown used to seeing or at least moving out of the way to get to the things we really needed or wanted.

We arrived at our rental home in Corvallis. Our possessions soon followed. A game of furniture and box Tetris began as we arranged our belongings in the house and garage. The garage was filled back to front. One room had boxes of things we might need and furniture we wouldn't need until we got a new house. All of our paintings and knick knacks went under the stairs. Our furniture was so tight, we had to squeeze around it or move it out of the way to walk from one room to another.

With over half our personal property still in boxes our life was hit with an unwelcome change. What we cooked, what we ate, and how we relaxed all underwent changes. Exercising became more difficult and easier to procrastinate. My productivity as a writer suffered. My husband felt his enthusiasm for his work suffered though his output didn't. We stopped entertaining at a time when we needed to be meeting people and developing ties in our new community.

We felt like we were in "waiting" mode - waiting for life to return to normal. Everything became about "When we move into our new home -- " Our transition period ended up taking ten months.

By the time we moved in to the house we built, I was tired of living in transition. I pushed hard for us to unpack and get settled. I wanted all the boxes, some of which had been packed for over a year, unpacked and organized immediately. I threw myself into unpacking ignoring most of my other responsibilities including my writing. I wanted to feel settled, to feel at home. What I really wanted was to have the life I had before we moved. I wanted my group of friends. I wanted my social engagements. I wanted the writers I with whom I socialized, collaborated, and commiserated. I wanted to be comfortable not only in my new home but in my surroundings and with people.

Living in transition had allowed me to cling to the past. As I unpacked day after day for hours on end, I realized this move was real and it was time for me to embrace it. My life felt farther away with each box I unpacked.

I remain a member of Partners in Crime, the writers group in which I was most active while in Boise and likely will for some time. Those connections aren't ones I'm ready to abandon. The group has a Yahoo group and a monthly newsletter that make it worthwhile.

After we moved, I continued to chair Murder in the Grove, a mystery conference for readers and writers, even though I lived in another state and my writing focus reaches beyond the mystery genre. I had made a commitment, and I saw it through. I'm glad I did, but I began to question my involvement when the committee voted to take a one year hiatus from all conference activity. As we wrapped up the after conference activities, I began to write a list of my responsibilities. The more I wrote the more I realized how much time I put into the conference and how much that took away from my writing time. Something had to change. Yet another change in a year full of them.

My heart ached as I considered no longer working with the committee or being a part of the conference, but the time had come to make a change, to embrace the future instead of clinging to the past. I had to do what was right not only for me but for the conference. I wrapped up the details of the conference, closed the last open issues to cover my term, and tendered my resignation.

I moved the mouse to hover over the send on my email. I hesitated a moment and clicked. I expected to be filled with regret. Instead, I smiled. I wouldn't have made the change if we hadn't moved, but now that I had I was happy.

And, by letting go of that last responsibility to my Boise life, I finally truly embraced our new home, our new community, and the possibilities of my future.

While these changes were initiated by our move and weren't per se my choice, they were looming changes I had avoided confronting for some time. They were necessary for me to grow as a writer and as a human being.

I embraced the changes I faced. I even managed to see the good in the changes in front of me. Letting go of the past is allowing me to realize the possibilities in front of me. I'm reaching into my new literary community through contacts I'd made in my prior position. I'm also seeking out new opportunities to meet other authors. My focus on my writing is also returning without the distractions of other responsibilities. On a personal note, I'm seeking new friends and opening myself to getting to know people in our new community.

Change doesn't mean we have to leave behind loved ones or friends, but it means we have to embrace the possibilities in front of us instead of clinging to "might have beens" and "if onlys".

Change helps us meet new people while holding those we've known a lifetime dear. It helps us learn new things. When done right, change can even help us improve the world in which we live.

Change is necessary. Change is unavoidable. Change is exciting. We cannot grow without change. Change is life. To live is to change whether we want it, see it, or accept it.

Next time change is thrust upon you, accept it, embrace it, and look for the opportunity it presents.