Change; The Offenders Voice

Introduction

I am not a criminal. I have never lived within the walls of a jail or prison. However, I have spent the past 24 years of my life researching criminal behavior and it's effect on society. As a victim I felt the pain from one side of the fence. As a researcher I have come to understand how prison affects our society and what our society does as a reaction to crime. In 2002, I endured an eye opening experience, which taught me what it's like to be on the other side of said fence. My fiancé was sentenced to ten years in a Washington State Correctional Facility. This event changed my life. I've since, ceased being a victim or researcher and became an activist for offender rehabilitation services. You see, when faced with reality, I realized that crime not only affects the victim and the families; it also affects the offender. Once arrested and placed behind bars, an offender will under go many changes. The following essay has been constructed from many interviews that I have conducted over the past two years and written in the voice of those who are incapable of speaking about these changes for them selves... The offenders! (Jesilyn)

This place is dead inside. There isn't so much as a plant to be seen. Steel, plastic, glass, and concrete cloud my vision as I stare at the same dry, lifeless, images day in and day out. There aren't any familiar voices of those that I love, no comfort, no guidance, no peace; for I am a criminal in the eyes of the law. As free individuals, I figure you do not understand, nor care what is happening to me. However there are many people that do. I am somebody's husband or wife, somebody's son or daughter, somebody's mother or father, and friend. Above all I am human. One day, if I can survive this dreaded hell, I will walk amongst you and when this happens you will reap the effects of societies actions. With rehabilitation I may receive the help I need to accomplish great things. Without it, I may re-offend again.

You see, I have figured something out about prisons; they have nothing to do with rehabilitation and unlike the proper belief they aren't really here to punish people like me either. We (the inmates) often feel that we are not in prison for longer periods of time because the crimes are increasing or becoming worse. We feel warehoused because society doesn't want to provide the necessary treatment it would take to help us succeed.

Do not get me wrong. I'm not saying people don't belong here. I am not saying that every offender can be rehabilitated. My point is simply that prisons should be more than warehouses that hold societies rejects. The whole legal system needs to be overhauled and re-examined with a clear and unprejudiced mind. I bet things would be a lot different if prisoners were allowed to vote. If we the prisoners were allowed to vote, then politicians would be forced to hear our silenced voices. Sadly this is not the case so we depend on a society that supports the new "get tough on crime" movement. From the rising numbers of convictions and the re-offense rates, there will be more of us in prison than out. As we re-enter society without rehabilitation there will be more victims.

Inside the brick and barbwire we face situations beyond our control. Violence, prejudice, and retaliation are around every corner. We often sleep with one eye open, stay to ourselves when we can, and hope that we will make it out alive with our sanity still intact. A wise elderly inmate once said, "There are no tricks to surviving this place, only tricks to get by." The fact is, survival is a whole other topic because even those who make it out alive don't survive. This place kills the soul leaving a hollowed shell of the individual that once existed.

Psychological care is almost obsolete. We can discuss the events of here and now, though many of us know better than to discuss what we see or what we go through. The things we need the most are often denied. We need psychotherapy and educational training. Many of us need to be taught to budget money, make discussions, and stand on our own two feet. We need to discuss what got us to where we are to begin with. We need to work through childhood abuse issues, economic issues, and medical problems. We need help establishing and carrying out goals that will enable us to become productive members of society upon our release. We need to place support systems into effect that will provide emotional, and psychological guidance before, during and after our incarceration.

It's not unusual for us to bottle up emotions; to hide the pain that exists while we're imprisoned. We don't talk to our families about the situations because they have suffered enough and do not need to spend additional time being burdened by the effects of our wrongs. We often struggle with reality as titles and labels color our self-perception. All of a sudden it's not easy to peer into a mirror. Being here, you fear what you will see, or in some cases not see, because most offenders lose the sparkle that once shown brightly in their eyes. The ability to self heal becomes disabled by self doubt and it's easy to lay down and give in to temptation when you know that you've lost everything you hold dear.

Society doesn't offer an ex-con much support upon release. With a criminal record we are often subjected to discrimination despite the fact that we have paid our dept to society. We must fight for our right to vote, bear arms, hold stable jobs, and live in your neighborhoods. Our pasts often precede us and we become the talk of the town.

Most of the time we are released to fend for ourselves in an emotionally bankrupt state of mind. After years of having a nail in our heads we forget how to make even the most basic of choices. A simple task of grocery shopping can become an over whelming disaster when we have been given limited choices while in prison. For most of us, after living in an emotional shell, it becomes hard to communicate with others. If we didn't have trust issues before we will when we leave.

Basically what I am saying is that we need your support. We can only take advantage of the programs you provide. We need you to acknowledge, that as humans, we need psychological, educational, spiritual, and life training services that will help us to succeed. We need you to fight on our behalf. We need you to intervene because we are a silent species and you are the individuals who hold the power. You can either support our needs or make our stay into a learning experience or you can allow the system to create an emotionally disturbed individual who is less likely to make it in a public setting. This is your choice; what will you do with it?