Changes (my Heart Will Go On)

You and I, once
Solitary travelers on this ship called Life,
Meeting, embracing my deepest emotions and full belief
That we were destined to be together and share the journey.

How much can happen in an instant!
Flesh-and-blood harmonizing in the briefest encounter
As butterfly wings or the strength to move mountains
Unable to foresee the tragedy ahead.

I remember, as a girl, romanticizing death
As if it were nothing but a shimmery poetic word
Without the force of power to ever claim me
Nor touch anyone else with its reality.

Til now, I did not know! I did not realize!
Til now, I did not see that the fragileness of Life
In the shortest unseen moment-flash
Can, in itself, cause eternity to become emptiness.

My plans have changed.
No longer do I wish to return to
The place where I lived in days of joy and happiness,
But for my ashes to be scattered where you died-
For there, too, ended my hopes and dreams.

I strain to hear your voice in the wind
But you are not there.

And I move silently thru the days
As if the sunlight no longer exists,
For it means nothing, holds nothing, in your absence
And the flame of hope has been extinguished.
The nights are darker, colder than ever before-
Chilled by tears and unspoken words.

No one understands.
Still, as for so long, attempting to push and pull me
In the direction of Elsewhere
With not a concern as to where I've needed to be.

In the past, not so long ago, I had such a fear of dying.
But now it is different.
Something inside tells me it is o.k. to let go,
To pass peacefully,
If to be able to take your hand.

But as he made her promise to continue life
To not give up, as I am pressed to do
For my heart to stop beating,
As their song played the refrain unforgotten
An ache inside, rising, causing the chords to change
To the haunting melody in the distance-
'Nearer, My God, To Thee.'