Changing the World Through Our Children

I had the honor of attending the 9th Annual Rockingham County's Early Childhood Educators Recognition Ceremony on Friday, April 13, 2007. The purpose of the event was to honor the teachers in the community who work with children between the ages of birth through age five. The event was planned nicely by the Rockingham County Partnership for Children and was beautifully decorated. Awards were given out to centers that have improved their star license, maintained their five stars, as well as centers that had just earned their five stars. Congratulations! That's hard work. However, that was not the most memorable part of the night. The part that I enjoyed was the Keynote Address given by Becky Bailey, internationally acclaimed author, consultant and recognized authority in the field of early childhood and elementary education.

Dr. Bailey is the originator of the nationally award winning Conscious Discipline program which uses Brain Smart strategies to turn conflict into cooperation. Ever since I accepted my new position in Rockingham County, all I have heard is "Becky Bailey", "Becky Bailey", "Becky Bailey"! And now I see why. Dr. Bailey has created a new approach to discipline that focuses on the social and emotional aspects of child development. Everything she said made so much sense that you wonder why you haven't thought about it before. She spoke about the "energy of presence", the "energy of choices" and the "energy of love". She asked teachers to consider the energy of presence....actually being present in the moment instead of worrying about what just happened a few minutes ago and what's going to happen when the visitor gets here. And we all know that children ask a lot of questions. They don't deserve the rushed answer or the impatient response that we sometimes give them. Children are constantly asking us questions because they are constantly learning! Imagine seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching things for the first time. How would you react? Would you ask a lot of questions? Would you want to know why that piece of machinery spits out paper? People who come in contact with children on a daily basis need to acknowledge that whatever you say or do in the presence of a young child, whether good or bad, will be included in this child's memory bank of experiences. They will use these experiences to form judgments about people and things and to make decisions in their adult life. Whether you intend to be or not you are an influence! Listening to children teaches them that when someone has something to say, you should stop and listen to them. Another important thing about the energy of presence is that it makes your children feel special and important. Be with your children. Relax and enjoy this special time. Being present in the classroom allows you to be in tune to your classroom.

She then spoke about the energy of choices. She used the example of choosing which words you will use when someone does something to make you mad i.e. aggressive drivers. What words do you use to describe the driver who just cut you off? Most likely, there were some words that were not very positive! Blurting out obscenities at people who make you mad reinforce to your children that self control is not necessary. Children can learn more from your behavior than you believe. They are trying to understand the world around them and why people and things act the way they do and you are their teacher. Some may say that one of the problems with today's society is that the children do not have self control. Do you model self control in front of your students? We need to look at not what our teachers are teaching to our children but "what" our teachers are teaching our children. Dr. Bailey says that our coping methods for dealing with anger and frustration are passed onto our students unconsciously. For example, when you become frustrated because your students won't do what you say and you snap back, your students are learning that if someone doesn't do what you want them to do then yell at them until they do. Dr. Bailey speaks of a method of discipline that forces teachers to look at themselves before they look at their children. Everyone has choices whether you think so or not. You have control over your words, your actions, and your thoughts. Think about the words that you choose to reprimand the children for running around the room. Could you have said that differently? When you asked them to stop, did you paint an image in their mind so that they could fully understand what you meant?

And last of all, she spoke about the energy of love. Love is powerful and has long lasting effects. Everybody needs love and deserves to feel as if someone loves them. When children misbehave, it is for a reason. Children do not become "evil" out of the blue. They don't turn cold, critical, and unforgiving overnight. Personality characteristics like this are formed over time and are the result of negative experiences. Children are like sponges...they soak up the things you want them to and also the things you don't want them to. As a preschool teacher myself, I have been guilty of becoming frustrated and maybe not being as understanding as I should. Wondering why the children are not behaving well today and where in the world is all of this energy coming from! Working with children can be a stressful job but it is a job that is worthwhile and rewarding. I believe the main reason that being a preschool teacher is so important is the fact that we ARE shaping the future. If there is one definite way to change our world, it is through our children. With this in mind, we as teachers need to be aware of "what" we are teaching our children. Yes, we teach them their colors and numbers, help them identify their shapes, and hopefully we instill in them a love of learning but what subconscious teachings are we sharing with them. In a book written by Dr. Becky titled Conscious Discipline: Seven Basic Skills for Brain Smart Classroom Management, she said "All teachers demonstrate a code of conduct and a value system. This is done through daily interactions with others. Until we become conscious of these patterns of interactions, we will not be able to guide the morality of the next generation."

The morality of the next generation....what does that mean? Nowadays, it seems as if morals and values have taken a back seat in our society. People are out for themselves and only worry about the consequences that affect them instead of the community as a whole. What happened to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? What happened to neighborhoods that were comfortable with leaving their doors unlocked? What happened to trusting loved ones with our children and prized possessions? The world as we know it is not as it use to be. No one cares about the family of four whose only working parent was just laid off because his employer felt it was cheaper for the company to ship their work overseas to people who will work for barely anything. No one cares that politicians are working for the wrong people or that there are two many blind eyes being used. The answer to this problem is our children and we haven't noticed it yet. How can we change the world...well... by molding the people who are going to become the next generation.

This is where Dr. Bailey's teachings come into play. Dr. Bailey believes that true social and emotional programs are lacking from our schools. Teachers are teaching about diversity, character and value education, and conflict resolution but are they modeling it? Dr. Bailey feels that in order to change the behavior of our children, we must first begin with our teachers. Let me give you an example. If you are a teacher, think back to how you react when your class is not behaving the way they are suppose to, how do you react? Example number 2. Think back to how you discipline your class...do you threaten them to do the right thing instead of explaining to them what the right thing is? Most likely you flipped out in example one and in example two, if you were to record yourself, your main technique for correcting problem behavior is probably to threaten or bribe. It is a known fact that most people discipline out of fear; teachers in preschools, elementary schools, colleges and universities and also parents at home. This is what is wrong with our society. Dr. Bailey states in her book that by using fear as a disciplinary technique, you are under the belief that "fear is the best motivator for learning" however this teaches our children that "fear is more powerful than love". If you want your children to do what you want, they must fear you. This type of parenting technique doesn't work anymore. It is only creating children that are learning to get away with things by being sneaky and deceitful. It is raising children that have learned that when another has succeeded in making you change or "behave", they have demonstrated their power and authority over you and that power is how you rule people. Another problem with society is our need to give up on the children who are being disruptive in our classrooms. Kick them out of school and get them away from my child are comments that can be heard from parents and teachers across the world. What are we doing when we give up on these children? What kind of message are we sending? The answer is one of rejection.

Children who grow up feeling rejected are adults that feel the world is against them. These are the people who are walking beside of us down the street and may be considering doing something hurtful or dangerous to others. Dr. Bailey's program is a "comprehensive social and emotional intelligence classroom management program that empowers both teachers and students and leads teachers, providers, schools, and programs through a process that promotes behavior changes in both teachers and children". As teachers, we must be modeling values and morals in front of our students. Don't lose your temper in front of your students. You are teaching that you don't have to have self control. Don't treat your students as interruptions when they ask you questions. Why...because you are teaching them that they their ideas are not important or worthy of your time. And most importantly, look at yourself before you discipline your children. Are you being reasonable in your expectations? Are you being a good example? Are you flying off the handle because you are having a bad day?

Teachers, I challenge you, to be aware of your actions. Be aware of the subconscious messages that you are sending to our youth. And most importantly bring love back to the classroom. If you are not familiar with Becky Bailey's approach to discipline, Google her name and check out her website. If you are looking for a way to bring your class back under control, commit yourself to her seven month program. Nothing worth having happens overnight. As a teacher, you have the power to change our future. You have the power to bring morals and values back to our world.