Chapter 1

I was born in North Bay, Ontario. My mother left my father shortly after I was hit by a black pick-up truck when I was 3 years old. I remember the accident, like it was yesterday.

My brother and I were playing in the parking lot with a ball, and he started waving his arms at me in the air. I thought he was just waving, so I waved back. I found out later in life that I couldn't hear. When I was struck, I turned under the truck and held on for my life.

The next thing I can remember is looking down at my blood covered legs, and my mom was kneeling over me, at my top right of my head. My brother was at my top left and the man who ran me over was at my lower right. There was a paramedic at my lower left. The first words I remember ever hearing was, "Dennis, Hurry up!"

I woke up in the hospital with my legs tied up and I was in a crib. While looking around, I realized I was in a room full of kids around my age, and saw a young boy urinating in a plastic bag. I went back to sleep.

Two months later I was in a walker, zooming down the hospital hallway. I remember how tall everyone looked to me, but didn't care, because I was starting to walk again.

I have an older brother that is one year older than me, and I feel closer too him than my sister. My sister is two years younger than me and we are so far apart in our lives now.

I have three children now. Two boys and the youngest is a girl. I love them all with all my heart and soul. Each one is special in different ways that amazes me.

Back to before my children where born; my mother committed suicide when I was 15 years old, and she told me right after she popped all her pills. She wanted to talk to my sister, to say goodbye to her. I felt hurt by the fact that she said it so quick, just so I can call my sister so she can say good-bye to her.

My brother asked what happened, but I was too stunned. He finally snapped me out of the weird trance I had to tell him, so he picked up the phone, and my mother was still saying good-bye. My brother yelled over the phone, "MOM, HANG UP NOW, PLEASE". She hung up. I heard a loud bang upstairs, so I ran up to see what was going on and I saw her laying dead in the middle of the hallway and bathroom.

My brother called 911 and told them what he knew. Shortly after, I called my sister at my friends house that she was sleeping over at, (she was 13 at the time). My sister gets on the phone and we asked her to come home because we needed her home for support. She said, "well, I have no money". My brother said, "Sam and I have allowance still, please come home, and we won't ask for the money back".

She told us that she thought we were lying, so she wasn't coming home. We found her a day later all messed up at a party.

We visited my mom in the hospital, with tubes coming out of her. She didn't look real at all to me, so it really broke my heart. When my sister saw her all messed up, because my sister was partying all night, I think she felt really guilty. My mother was holding a rosary that I've never seen before. Found out later that it was my aunts.

The next morning I was awoken from a phone call. I heard my step-dad crying, so I knew the plug was pulled. I laid in bed crying for hours before I decided to get out of bed and in control. Well, so I thought I was.

I wasn't told anything still, till we were all at my uncle's house that night. My siblings and I, had to go back home to pick out my mothers favorite clothes to be buried in. That was really weird, and so unreal.

Next day, my mother's clothes were stolen. We had to find something else for her to be buried in. Really sad that someone would steal clothes from the dead, I just don't understand that. Mad me sick.

My step-dad is the greatest person ever, to take all of us in still, even after my mom left us. Remember, suicide is a sickness. I don't think too many people realize, that it's not really a choice, you need to know how to control it. He is one of the greatest men I know.

Now, I am married, and have three children. One child by marriage, but I love them all equally. They are my pride and joy.

I still had major "bumps" in life, but life is a lesson. I believe that life is what you make of it. It's either, being miserable, and being unhappy all the time. Or, look back at the struggles you made in life and look ahead and make better choices. Don't look behind, or you'll always be looking over your shoulder, and always be unhappy. Learn from the mistakes, and go from there.

I now am married with a great man and, yes we have our problems too, but we try to get them resolved as we can.

I am now 32 years old with three children. I read a lot of books, crafts, playing pool...etc, especially learning everyday. I love my life now, and continually being positive. I will always miss my mother, and I am so grateful that the weird dreams stopped. They do get weird, but than again, mine always are.

I will always be there for anyone who wants to chat about struggles in life. There are also help lines if that is more comfortable. We all need somebody to talk with, even if it is just to vent about anything.

This is just one chapter in my life. I will share more if you are interested, just let me know.